Think Before You Speak & Then, Just Stay Quiet!

Over the last few weeks, I've come upon several situations that have led me to speaking up at this time. My hope is that I will cause some of you to think about what you have to say & leave it at that - a thought. To let that "I wonder" thought stay within your mind trusting that your prodding is not needed & may not be appreciated or helpful. My prayer is that you would allow God to work in lives knowing that He is does need your assistance & that His timing & plans are ALWAYS perfect.

What am I talking about you may say? How many of you see a couple that has been married for more than a few years & you badger them about hurrying up & having babies? Or, if you are not spurring them on as their cheerleader to get to business, you simply feel the need to ask if they plan to have children?

Yep, I've been there. I've been that person that has let my curiosity move from my head to my mouth & come out to people that would much preferred that it wouldn't have. You may be confused still at where I am going with this so allow me to explain...

Years ago, our family harassed particular family members about having kids - they'd been married for 8 or 9 years & we all know that is far too long to wait (since we are experts). Finally, at last...they announced they were expecting their first child. I'm sure that many wanted (& may have) shouted, "It's about time!" Little did we know that for all those years, they had been trying to conceive & were unsuccessful. We never knew (until they told us) that every time we said something, we were putting daggers into their soul. That which they longed for, prayed for & hoped for was not coming to pass & the rest of us were too busy bothering them (you know, wishing for a baby in the family & encouraging them that they should "WANT" to produce that baby)to realize that perhaps that was not God's plan for them at that time. While they certainly were under no obligation to broadcast that they were continually trying & ask us to all shut-up, they probably were longingly wishing that such would be the case. Had we have known the info. during those years, I'm sure we would have done things much different - we would have been praying & grieving alongside of them. Though, we did not know. Which, not knowing still does not excuse our actions. Better to just assume that we never know what is transpiring in someone's life or lives & simply be there as we always have been allowing individuals to share with us if or when they are ready.

Why am I writing this today? Today, I logged into Facebook to see that yet another one of my friends (the 7th one) has miscarried. Over the last 1.5 years or so, I've now found that a total of 10 babies have been taken home to heaven early due to either miscarriage or premature birth. Some of these ladies having gone through the pain twice. Some have shared their loss with Facebook others have shared with close friends keeping their loss private from Social Media. Recently, I was visiting with a friend who is expecting. As we were catching up, she was saying that the same week she learned she was pregnant, her baby sister miscarried. So, as her sister was sitting in one corner with a broken-heart, she had to find some way to try to tell her sister & other family members that she was pregnant. I thought to myself, I wonder how many people without thinking have gone to her sister to ask her when she's going to have a baby & have either been silenced by her stating that she had lost one or she keeps quiet? Either way, I'm sure she has repeatedly dealt with such & like my family members who longed to have children, buries the pain deep inside. I'm sure she's rejoicing with her sister for the new life that will soon enter the world but at the same time, there is heartache in knowing that she carried a child within & that her child would soon be arriving too.

That is just one situation. I've got another. Not long ago, I was at a party with people I'd not seen in many years. Of course, all were eager to meet NP & Baby Zeke. As we were making our rounds, an old friend came up to another friend of ours - a friend who is in a marriage that is basically dead. Our old friend asked this friend where her better-half was & she replied, "He's at work." This dear friend then asked her if they ever plan to have kiddos. Knowing the situation of our friend, my heart hurt for her (knowing how she desperately would love to be a mother but realizing that bringing a child into the world into a marriage falling apart with a man who would not be the father she desires) as she regretfully said, "I'd like to but probably not." For the rest of the time we spent with her that evening, she was fairly melancholy. You could see the wheels of hurt just spinning in her head (& heart).

I'm thankful that I've never had to experience such agony but for those who have lost children &/or may never have children (be it because of the relationship they have been told that medically, they may never conceive...which, of course is not always absolute as the Lord proved in my own case), they deal with enough. I have a couple of friends who have suffered loss & been told since that they will never be able to have children. Attending baby showers is difficult for them, watching pregnant women walk around is hard, hearing expectant ladies complain about how "fat" they are angers them as they would give anything to be carrying a little one inside. They go through plenty without people asking them questions about things that are probably not their business to begin with anyway.

I am sure that many of you may be well-intentioned (nothing wrong with wanting a Grandbaby or a niece or nephew) but if the Lord wants you to be a Grandparent, Aunt, Uncle or whatever, He will cause that to happen in HIS timing, not YOURS! You may have never given any thought to asking someone these things & most of you would be so sorrowful if you knew that you shot a bullet into someone's already wounded heart by asking them. I'm sure you would feel broken over knowing that while someone you love is battling, you were only making things worse. Yes, none of us that truly care abut a person would do so intentionally (I hope not at least) but I'm hoping that by my maybe pointing out the not-so-obvious, we might back off & allow God to be God. With that comes the knowledge that some of the people we love may be questioning, "Why has God allowed this to happen?" or "Why is God not gifting us with a child?" The best thing we can do it not worsen their pain by trying to reason with them but simply love them...offer them a shoulder to cry on, lend an ear if they want to talk. OK, enough with my rant...I just want us to "think"!!

**While I'm at it, though it's a different topic, same goes for singles. Nothing makes family reunions more dreadful than knowing that the long lost aunt is going to pronounce you as an Old Maid. I've been there. I've been the one eager to get away from certain people as they've rambled on about how I was never going to get married, I must not have a desire to marry, etc. The whole time, my heart was splitting because the deepest yearning of my heart was to marry & to one day be a mother. I am thankful that things did not happen in the ways in which I wanted but in the means that God had in store for me. Marriage is a lifetime covenant & is not something to be rushed into just because one is getting on up there in years. So, before you ask the single person what is wrong with them, "THINK!" & perhaps don't ask the question at all.