Three months ago, NP & I welcomed our first child into the world. Over these few months, I’ve been learning a lot as my life has drastically changed. I have not learned it all & will continuing learning daily. However, I’ve come a long way since day 1. Many may be unaware & it seems it is a topic that often goes undiscussed or silenced but…I battled Postpartum Depression badly after having Zeke. I found myself crying frequently for reasons I could not explain. Of course, that is not unusual of Postpartum. Never had I felt so overwhelmed. I felt like I would feed Zeke, pump, sit down, look at the clock & see that in a couple hours I’d repeat it all. My life had no purpose at the time as I didn’t feel that anything of importance was being accomplished. Granted I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing (caring for my child), I was not seeing that at the time. Mundane moments all day long – so it seemed. I felt like a failure as a mother – that I was incapable of doing anything right. Later, I’ll talk about my trial with trying to breastfeed. That matter also added to my depression. After crying hysterically one night (though there were many such nights), my dad suggested that I needed to get on some medication. I was very adamant that I did not want to do so – doing so would suggest that I was crazy. “Normal” people don’t have to take stuff for this surely. After being extremely transparent with my doctors about how I was feeling, they too agreed that I was in need of something temporarily. While am still taking the meds, I forget the majority of the time & thankfully, it’s not even noticeable. I’ve come to understand that it’s OK to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with admitting you have a problem. As Dr. Phil would say, “You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.” Why am I sharing this? So that if someone else is going through the same thing they understand that they are not alone; someone else has walked in their shoes. I’ve been there. By the grace of God, I’m doing much better. So, some of the things I’ve learned over the last 3 months of parenting are:
- My nurse practitioner’s advice was some of the best received: “Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing…this is your child, your family. You decide what works for you. And, don’t get on those d*** blogs as if you do, you’ll never feel like you are doing anything right.” Everyone wants to give advice & while some may be helpful (& even appreciated), NP & I will choose what we believe is best for our child be it to vaccinate, not vaccinate; breastfeed or feed by bottle; pacifier or no pacifier, etc.
If you have a little boy, you want to make sure the clean diaper is right there with you when you go ahead to change the wet/dirty one. There is no “spare” time with little boys as you never know when they might fire away!
- People can be so cruel & harsh with their words (this I already knew as I sometimes am guilty myself). Originally, I had no desire to breastfeed whatsoever. Though I know God gave us ladies breasts so that we could feed our children, the concept was, in all honesty, repulsive to me. I couldn’t envision it for myself. Again, for those who choose that route, that is their business. I was not interested. Yet, I knew that financially, breastfeeding was in our best interest. I made every effort to do so but things simply were not working. While I’m sure seeking help from a Lactation Consultant may have been beneficial, we did not have money for me to do so. After trying unsuccessfully to breastfeed & then not even being able to produce enough milk when pumping, NP & I made the joint decision that it was time for me to give it up. I have had several people imply that I was “taking the easy way out” or “not trying hard enough.” I have heard it all…”kids that are breastfed have higher IQ’s; they’re smarter.” Maybe there is truth to that, maybe there is not. I don’t really care. My son’s IQ will not determine his worth & value nor will my love for him be dependent upon what his level of intellect is. My sister & I neither one were breastfed & though we may not be geniuses or great scholars, we’ve turned out OK. More than having a brilliant mind, we have manners, common sense & are rooted in our faith. Those things are far more important for Zekee to have! Though I did not look forward to breastfeeding prior to his birth, I began to cherish that time with Ezekiel. Deciding to give it up was not easy – not easy at all. I struggled so much that I would just cry because I could not get Zeke to latch &/or my supply was not enough at all. I was not sitting around celebrating the fact that I no longer was able to breastfeed. However, Zekee having a mommy that was emotionally OK & stable enough to care for him was most important at the time. Children can sense when we are tense, when we have problems.
- When using formula, it’s always best to make sure you shake the bottle to make sure the formula & water get mixed. If you don’t do this, you may find that your baby pukes all over the place later.
- I was not the biggest fan of using a pacifier but I much prefer that than Zeke sucking on his thumb. I am certain it will be much easier to get him detached from the paci but impossible to get him away from his thumb as I can’t take his hand away. So, though he uses a pacifier & that is fine, he still seems to try to stick his entire fist into his mouth whenever his pacifier is not with him. Sometimes it makes me crazy but I’ve learned that it’s OK…it’s not the end of the world.
- One can never have enough sleepers & burp cloths. Seems that every time I turn around, Zeke has outgrown a sleeper & is need of another one. Burp cloths all over the place…several in Zeke’s room, several in our family room. 1 goes on each sofa, 1 is on his pallet in the floor & so forth. Yet, there never seems to be one where I need it when I need it. If he’s going to spit up while I’m changing his diaper, rest assured the burp cloth is probably not near me!
- I used to only like children once they could begin interacting & talking to me. Babies were boring. Now, I have seen that is so far from the truth. Zeke is anything but dull. I could sit & watch him all day not just because he’s my son & is so precious but because he makes hilarious faces. I am sure that before, I would think it seemed like a lifetime before a baby grew to the point I’d be interested. Now that I have Ezekiel, I’m seeing how fast time goes by. He’ll be at that age soon enough to where he’s moving all about & getting into everything. Already, I miss my tiny baby boy that would rest in my arms so peacefully.
- People would always tell me “it’s different when it’s your own kid” in regards to liking children in general, being spat upon or dealing with poopy diapers. I assumed it would be different – hoped it would be. It is. If I were to hold a baby & saw that they were about to spit up on me, the first thing I’d do is pass them off onto their parent or someone else. Changing diapers? Forget it. I had never changed one until I was in the hospital ready to bring Ezekiel home. What everyone said? They were right. It is different. I could not care less when Zeke pukes all over me. Doesn’t bother me in the least bit to change his dirty diaper. I’m not saying it’s fun but I do it. He’s my child & I’d do anything for him. I just want him to be well.
- I’m not above garage sales, hand-me-downs & thrift stores. We are far from wealthy (struggling to keep our heads above water & pay off debt) but everything we do have comes from the Lord & He has called us to be wise stewards. I’ve seen that Zeke outgrows things far too quickly for me to be spending absurd amounts of money on outfits when I can accept used clothes from friends/family or buy gently used clothes for far less. We are thankful for those that remember us & what to offer a helping hand be it with clothes, books, toys or whatever it may be for Zeke.
- I insisted that Zeke would NOT be in our room with us after birth. No way, Jose’. He had his own room & that’s where he needed to be. Who thinks that happened? If you guessed that it did not, you are correct. Daddy didn’t want him separated from us along but it was I that was the one determined he would be away. Somehow, that changed immediately. I couldn’t bear the thought of him not being in the same room as us. As he slept in the pack & play in our room, none of us were getting much sleep. After a month or so, many were suggesting that he really needed to be in his own room. We finally took heed & put him in his own bed in his own room. We’ve all been sleeping through the night pretty much ever since!
I never dreamed that being a mom would be as wonderful as it is. Never would I have thought that I could ever love someone as much as I love our little boy. Having him is also teaching me a lot about how God must look at us, His children. Becoming a parent is making much more aware of my words & actions as though he may be young, he still hears & sees all that I do. He is learning from me what is right, what is wrong. I must be the Godly example the Lord wants me to be. None of us are perfect parents, nor will we ever be but daily, with God’s help, I am striving to be the very best for the precious child that He has given to me. I’m sure the challenges are not over & the battles will soon be on the way (NP doesn’t think Zeke will be difficult at any point…Haha) – prayers are always appreciated & I’m glad to pray for you too!
