At times, it almost seems surreal to me that I’m going to have a baby in less than 3 months. In fact, it’s still hard for me to even believe I’m pregnant. Yet, the fact that I am going to the bathroom a lot, have an aching back, frequent heartburn, an ever-growing belly & swollen feet serve as a great reminder. Not to mention, Zeke’s moving all about within me leaves no doubt. Words cannot begin to describe the incredible feeling to have this little man kicking. I now find myself looking down often to “see” him moving. Each time, tears begin to well up.
Psalm 139 is a passage we’ve all heard time & time again. However, it has become that much more profound to me as the weeks pass by & we go in for the ultrasounds to see our son.
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
We know not what his skin tone, hair or eye color will be (though we have guesses & assumptions), nor how much he will weigh, how tall he’ll be. We do know though, that Our Creator, God, is making him wonderfully. As we’ve seen his tiny body begin to grow & his cute little fingers uncurl from his hands being in a ball, we have watched in utter awe. As we watch each part of his body being measured & his heart beating, we know that this is the marvelous work of Our Lord. Even though there have been a few (& praise God it has just been a few…I thank Him for that) bad days, being pregnant & experiencing this wonder is by far, one of the best experiences I’ve had in life to date. The love I have for Zeke already is a love that is unlike any other. There is a desire to do anything & everything to protect this child & I’m sure that will only grow in the months & years to come. Daily, I’m gaining more of an insight into God’s great love for us, His children as I prepare to a parent myself.
Some of you asked if we wanted a boy or a girl. While N.p. did have a preference (& he’s getting it), I did not. True, we would be happy regardless of gender as long as the baby is healthy, I had a number of people that told me they thought I was better suited for a boy. After consideration, I think they may be right. You know me. I’m not a real girly girl. I don’t envision myself having to put bows & ribbons in a little girls hair & look for pretty pink outfits every day. As I thought about myself as a teenager & I thought about girls in general, I associate girls with drama. Drama, drama, drama. I remember coming home from school or church mad at so & so because they liked the guy I liked. Tears that seemed as if they would never end. Oh my poor parents. How did they ever survive? Yep, I can deal without that for now. Who knows what the Lord has in store? Will he choose to bless us with more children in the future & if so, will there be a daughter (according to the ole’ wives tale of the pencil test, I’m slated for one more boy & that’s it)? Perhaps the Lord knows that I may be better with a boy to begin. So again, while we would have been thrilled to pieces either way, I’m happy we’re having a boy.
These last 6 months have flown by & soon, we’ll finally hold our son in our arms. Knowing the time is coming is both exciting & daunting as we think of how much there still is to do. I’ve had one baby shower & the outpouring of love was overflowing. Fortunately, we have most of the necessities. The nursery is nowhere near complete. The walls have been painted but new carpet will be installed & once that is done, the crib can be brought in as well as a storage unit, rocker glider, etc. My sister can then work her magic (she’s volunteered to decorate Zeke’s room. Since I have 0 artistic abilities or knowledge of interior design, I’m graciously allowing her to run with it). While there is much to think about, I’m really trying to enjoy my time with NP as much as possible before our family of 2 becomes a family of 3 & our lives change drastically (in a good way though!). Some of you have asked if there is anything we need or what you can do for us. Honestly, if you are wanting to give a gift…DIAPERS. LOTS & LOTS of DIAPERS! More than any gift money can buy, I ask for your continued prayers. My health has been great – no complications or issues thus far & Zeke is doing well too. Please pray that such would continue to be the case & that when the time comes, I would have a safe delivery & a healthy baby boy. Please pray that I will be well enough to continue working right up until Zeke’s birth. NP is still searching for a job so I definitely need to be working as much as I can be. Pray also that God would bring about employment for NP very soon. We are choosing to trust Him & know that He’ll provide. I am entitled to 12 weeks Maternity Leave but will only be paid for those that I have enough PTO to cover. By the time Zeke comes, that should be about 6 weeks. My intent is to be off the entire 12 weeks but financially, I’m not sure that such will be possible. Also, our plan has been that my mother would be taking care of Baby Zeke. For the last few months, she’s been battling gout & unable to even walk at times. Clearly, tending to the needs of an infant would be near impossible for her if this gout continues to take over. That being said, I now am having to begin looking for other options. Financially, that will eat away at us but emotionally, I’m having a hard time dealing with the thought of taking Zeke elsewhere. I know millions of moms do so but there is something about my son spending more time with someone other than a family member that bothers me. Knowing someone else would be bonding with him 8-11 hours a day over his mommy is difficult. Lastly, please pray that these remaining couple months as a couple will be a blessed time for us & that we may cherish our time together, growing in Christ as we await parenthood & hope to raise our son in the way of the Lord.
