The Miles Between Us Do Not Stop the Memories

I was told this would get easier. While in some ways it has, many days are difficult. I know you are not here. How could I not notice? You may think I have moved on, that others have taken your place. Others have entered into my life but no one will ever be you. Though you are not here & adjusting to that truth has become easier, I miss you no less than the day you left.

I miss having you sitting beside me in Busch Stadium to watch the Cardinals play.

I miss dancing with you.

I miss going to ISI Dinners with you.

I miss not being able to take you to the Zoo in warmer temperatures.

I miss playing in the snow with you.

I miss helping you prepare Nepali meals.

I miss sharing those meals with you in my home and your home.

I miss relaxing in Spellmann with you - sitting on the sofas outside of the computer lab or down in the Connection.

I miss helping you with papers, projects and reports.

I miss waiting for you to appear at ISI meetings.

I miss you showing me your favorite Nepali music videos.

I miss you trying to teach me Nepali.

I miss you laughing at me as I tried speaking Nepali.

I miss seeing you looking sharp in your traditional Nepali clothing.

I miss getting to celebrate birthdays with you.

I miss your hugs.

I miss you telling me of your hopes and dreams of the future.

I miss hearing about those you love the most - your family...your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister.

I miss being honest and sharing things with you.

I miss your trusting me & your opening up & sharing the difficult times of your life with me.

I miss you being here to care for me, give me advice, encourage me & attempting to protect me from those that aren't the best for me.

I miss playing board games with you.

I miss your being at my house till 2 or 3 in the morning while I try to keep my eyes open.

I miss your not wanting to leave our house to return to school.

I miss asking you questions to get to know you and then hearing your responses.

I miss you waiting for my answers to those same questions.

I miss you making up your own questions.

I miss grocery shopping with you.

I miss going to the movies with you.

I miss allowing you to get in the driver's seat of my car and drive around.

I miss the smile that came upon your face when I told you that you were doing a good job driving.

I miss driving down the road wondering if you would ever decide where you wanted to eat.

I miss hearing you say, "Let's move."

I miss hearing you say, "Let it be."

I miss eating Indian food with you.

I miss having slushies with you.

I miss going to Steak & Shake with you.

I miss your going to church with me.

I miss your being in the Realm with me.

I miss searching the Loop for things with you.

I miss singing Taylor Swift songs with you ("You Belong With Me", "Romeo & Juliet", "White Horse") in my car.

I miss hearing you sing James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"

I miss hearing you sing Guns & Roses "Knockin' on Heaven's Door"

I miss hearing you sing Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do, I Do For You"

I miss singing "Must Be the Money" (Monkey!!) with you.

I miss your getting excited when my phone would ring & play "Boom Boom Pow"

I miss picking you up at the airport after returning to St. Louis.

I miss you always wanting my camera so that you could get "snaps."

I miss you making me pose for photos.

I miss walking with you, hiking with you...you patiently waiting for me.

I miss sitting on the grass of the riverfront letting the cool winds blow through our hair.

I miss fighting with you in the kitchen as we got icing all over each other...and water...and ice.

I miss photo shoots with you.

I miss your holding your country's flag proudly while allowing me to join you for a picture.

I miss you asking me about my day at work.

I miss showing you the St. Louis Arch.

I miss beating you at tennis on the Nintendo Wii.

I miss singing Karaoke on the Wii with you.

I miss getting to watch the joy on my parents faces when they see you.

I miss watching you play football (soccer).

I miss hearing you talk about Cricket.

I miss seeing you uneasy with "Easy" around. Funny time.

I miss picnics with you.

I miss sitting with you on a park bench and sharing our hearts through conversation.

I miss driving you to the India Market and your introducing me to new things there.

I miss hearing you say, "I love you."

Mainly.....I just miss your being here. I miss everything about you. Miles may be between us but my love for you is no less. My thoughts of you are not less frequent. Actually, my thoughts of you are daily. You may not be here but you can rest assured that I certainly have not forgotten you. Each day, these things above or the thinks I think of. There are many more that I did not even mention too. They come to mind and I smile, laugh or fight the tears. You are remembered. You are loved.

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

"I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin' bad. Buy all of the things I never had." These are the first couple of lines to a song being played on the radio regularly today. Go figure that immediately after our pastor preached on materialism & covetousness, I would hear this song on the radio. Though I am not a fan of the vast majority of the lyrics, I must admit that the tune is rather catchy & I cannot get the song out of my head. I know a few of the other lines from the song sporadically but don't really know the song. I just find myself singing the opening lyrics repeatedly. Pastor Bob asked on Sunday morning if God were to never give us another blessing, would we be satisfied with what we have. I was thinking for certain that I would be. I am not a materialistic individual...of course I'd be content. Until....he mentioned relationships. If I were being honest, I don't think that I would be satisfied if I were to never marry. I long for that precious gift. Facing the hard truth, I know that this is continually an area of my life in which I must ask God to give me peace & acceptance about. Moving beyond that aspect & back to the thought of wanting more money & more possessions, I did examine myself for a moment. Thankfully, my parents raised my sister & I emphasizing that money was not the most important thing in the world. Yeah, there were times when Haley & I requested certain things (Umbro shorts, Adidas jackets, Hypercolor t-shirts, a Nintendo, etc.) but for the most part, neither of us have sought to have the best of everything. As I think about the things I own, I truthfully cannot even think of one thing that I own that I would not easily be able to walk away from if need be. Of course, I'd like to be able to have my computer to communicate with everyone around the world but if I had to give it up, I could. Aside from my laptop, I don't have anything that I absolutely couldn't bear to be without. Days ago, one of the international students and I were in a discussion about my car. The suggested that I should love my car. I let them know that I like my car but I don't love my car. I'm pleased to have a car for getting to & from & I'm pleased that it is a nice car but the car is not my life & the car has no soul. The car is not my baby, child or anything else. The car is temporary & I choose to invest more time in people. All this being said, I'm thinking about that billion dollars. Would I love to have a billion? Of course, who wouldn't? Most likely, I will never be financially wealthy (& if I am it will not come by way of lottery or gambling since I do not play) & even if I were, I don't see myself wishing for the finer things in life. No, I don't care about an expensive car, diamonds galore do not appeal to me & I don't need a mansion in Malibu. Instead, I would immediately quit my job & embark upon a journey around the world. To do so, is a dream of mine. A dream that I am doubtful will ever become a reality. Even still, that would be my wish. While traveling, I would not only want to see the many sights but also be able to leave a lasting impact on all that I would encounter...an eternal impact. For now, I'll choose to trust that God has given me all that He wants me to have. I may not be a billionaire in the eyes of the world. My bank account does not have zero after zero behind it. However, I am rich....much more wealthy than I ever could have imagined. Rich in my walk with the Lord, rich in family, rich in friends. Rich in those things that truly matter.

Summers Gone By

Lastnight, I was at the home of U.S. Congressman Todd Akin for an Old-Fashioned Independence Day Celebration. While sitting there, as the sun began to set and the sky darkened, a flash of light lit up in front of my eyes. Aha! Lightning bug. I saw several more fly by and I began to think back to my youth. Summer after summer, Haley & I would go to Alabama to stay with our grandparents. I remember many a nights that we would take a jar outside & spend forever catching fireflies. I'll even go ahead & admit that we did kill a few just for the fascination of seeing the neon light as we smeared them with our shoes. Yeah, I know....so horrible were we. One of my favorite things about summer was going to bed at night with my bedroom window open falling asleep to the sound of fireflies & Junebugs being fried by the bugzapper. I know, I'm sounding more and more morbid with every word I say. Truly, I thought the sound of those little critters sizzling was a thrill. I remember our family traveling to Vandalia, MO (extremely small-population less than 2,000) & my cousins and I walking through the cornfields snipe hunting. As we did so, we struggled to find our way out. Haley & I spent the majority of our childhood at 12 Asherton Drive in Saint Peters, phone #: 928-0489. One doesn't forget that kind of thing. The subdivision in which we lived was humongous. We would ride our bikes up and down the streets day after day. If we weren't out roaming the neighborhood, we were rollerskating in our garage pretending to be running our own beauty pageants. One summer, while my sister & I were in Alabama, we returned home to find that our parents (with the help of our aunts, uncles, etc.) had built us a playhouse in our backyard. This was no average playhouse. The house itself was built of wood, about 8'x 12' with windows, a skylight complete with a carpeted rug, a chalkboard, school desk, kitchen set, etc. We ran an electric cord out to the house so that we could have lights at night. For hours, Haley & I would play school...always fighting over who was going to be the teacher. Just as we bickered over that, we too argued over who would be the cashier when we played store. Yes, we had a play cash register in our house as well. These are just a few of my memories. Those were special days....days that at times, seem so long ago while at other times, I recall them as though it was just yesterday.

Stardom Is Not For Me Unless It's for Him

This past Tuesday night, I ventured to Lindenwood (as I do every week) for our weekly ISI meeting. After arriving, a young girl approached both Haley and myself and introduced herself while stating that she had heard much about us. She is a college student from our church and had even seen us around before. She let us know that we are famous at the Realm (which, the Realm is the worship area/hangout place for the college kids at First Baptist Church of Harvester). I was taken aback in hearing such as Haley & I have spent little time at the Realm and little time with the college kids from our church. However, I am sure that the college kids see us with the international students frequently. I've never aspired to be famous. Within me, there has never been a longing for everyone to know who I am. In fact, just the opposite is true of me. I would rather go unnoticed and be able to avoid all eyes being upon me. As I thought about being recognized by everyone, I began to realize something. Though I wish not to be popular or a celebrity, if I am going to be known by all, may I be known for loving. I pray that if I am to be famous, it's for the right reason....for serving others and loving others as my Savior Jesus does. When others look at me, may that not see "me" but see "Him" (Jesus Christ).

I'm Not a Flower Hater!

Birthday gift to my Mom!

Hydrangea

Stargazer Lily

Despite the fact that I have on many occasions stated that I would not want someone to spend their hard-earned money on gifting me with flowers (my reasoning is this: flowers die within a matter of days. As nice as they are to look at, if someone is going to choose to spend money me, I would rather them do so on something that will last longer.), I DO actually have favorite flowers (which, they are shown above) and I see the beauty of flowers. While vacationing in Washington and B.C. in 2006, one of our stops was at Butchart Gardens. I must admit that I was not exactly looking forward to spending hours in a flower garden. However, once I was there, things changed. I discovered just how fascinating the garden was. I had no idea that there were so many different types of roses alone...each one with a different name. Many of the flowers had signs stating what flowers were cross-bred in order to make that particular flower and the year in which it came to be. Who knew flowers could be so interesting? I certainly did not! Now, while I do love to admire flowers, I do not claim to even have the slightest idea about names of flowers and so forth. I proved such yesterday when entering into a local florist to order flowers for my mom's birthday. Having looked at the arrangements in the case and not been impressed, I agreed to allow the florist make something special for me. She asked me what I would like and I started things by picking out a vase and then giving her a price point. She then began to name off flowers and ask me what I would like. Meanwhile, Haley stood beside me in laughter knowing that I didn't have the slightest notion as to what the flowers looked like by the names the lady was rambling off. Haley finally informed the lady that I knew nothing about flowers so I wouldn't know what she was talking about. Thankfully, the florist was kind enough to actually show me what the flowers were and tell me their names. I was able to point to one and tell her it was one of my favorites..she had to clue me in on the name of it. After seeing the options, I still was not able to communicate what I wanted (I think that was my indecisiveness coming into play) so I allowed the lady to do whatever she wanted. I think my mom's birthday gift turned out rather well. Apparently, others thought the same. As Haley & I were returning home, while stopped at a stop light, a lady in the lane next to us glanced over, saw the flowers & gave me a thumbs-up, nodded & smiled at me in approval. Good job me!!

Ring-a-ling-a-ling

Some people collect stamps. Some collect shot glasses. Others collect thimbles. Me? I collect bells. As a preteen, I began purchasing bells everywhere I would go. Over the years, I have had many friends and family members that have gifted me with bells. Recently, a couple of students from the Ukraine have been so very sweet in having bells shipped from their hometown for me. A number of people have expressed interest in knowing about my bell collection...specifically wondering where I have bells from. I've included some pics of my bells as well as the list of locations that I have bells for.

Foreign Bells From:

Vienna, Austria

Rome

Victoria, B.C.

Amsterdam, Poland

Gdnask, Poland

Switzerland

Korea

Jerusalem

London, England

Ukraine

Nicaragua

Kuwait

Israel

Budapest, Hungary

Aruba

Germany

Nova Scotia

El Salvador

U. S. Bells From:

Gulf Shores, Alabama

New York

Leavenworth, Washington

Idaho

South Padre Island, Texas

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Maui, Hawaii

Washington, D.C.

Jupiter, Florida

Maine

West Virginia

Boston, Massachusetts

Smoky Mountains

Virginia Beach, Virginia

Alaska

Sanibel Island, Florida

New Mexico

Minnesota

Colorado

Illinois

Pennsylvania

Kentucky

Indiana

Sea World-Orlando, Florida

North Carolina

Tennessee

Arizona

Las Vegas, Nevada

Iowa

Missouri

South Dakota

Utah

If you are heading out on a trip and think of me, I would love a bell from wherever you may be going. If you get me one, I'll surely pay you back as I'll just be happy to have another bell to add to the collection!

My Best Pal

Some 15 years ago or so, while I was at my aunt & uncle's house, I was introduced to a girl named Crystal. That moment doesn't really stand out in my mind but thankfully after being around one another at church, a friendship blossomed between us. Over the past decade +, Crystal and I have been on quite a journey together. There was a period in which we did not speak or spend time with one another for a few years. Thankfully, God restored our friendship and we have grown that much more close--so close that Crystal is not just a friend to me, but just as much a sister to me. We have shared many laughs, tears, heart-to-heart conversations and memories a plenty. I'd like to share some of those things...some of the good times we have had. Both Crystal & I love to sing & have done duets in church with one another. One of my most vivid "music" moments with Crystal came years ago when she & I went for a day trip to Sikeston, MO to eat at Lambert's Cafe. She & I wrote a song about the dead bug on my windshield. Come to think of it, we've written a lot of songs. Together, we are an unstoppable creative songwriting force. One day, our compositions will be heard all over the world...of this I am sure. We are similar in many ways--specifically our choice of clothing. We easily can shop for one another & pick out the perfect outfit. It's always a great thing when I come home with new attire and show Haley & she says, "Well, I don't like it but we know Crystal will." Crystal was the first (& only) friend to travel with us to Alabama for a vacation. We had a blast together. Crystal convinced me to go on my very first mission trip (which was a trip to Colorado) and I was glad to have her beside me as my cheerleader and encourager. A couple years later, we went to the other side of the world together to teach English in Taiwan on a mission trip. We've been stuck together in a traffic jam on the streets of San Francisco while trying to catch the boat to Alcatraz. We've rolled in the snow like little kids. We've helped educate our guy friends on girlie issues. We teamed up to convince one of our friends to allow us to stay in his apartment while he & his new bride were on their honeymoon. Meanwhile, we set their place up for a fun welcome home (hanging tampons from light pulls on lamps, placing fake rats and snakes around the house, saran-wrapping the bed after placing hundreds and hundreds of feathers on it, spelling out a message on their bed with feminine products, changing light bulbs from regular to colored, etc.). We have t.p.-d (for those unfamiliar, that is taking toilet paper and going to someones home or vehicle and covering their property in the toilet paper) many people without ever getting caught. We rode through the swamp in Florida together. We have root, root, rooted the Cardinals on to many victories while sitting in Busch Stadium. There are far too many precious moments to record them all here. I simply want to say that I am so richly blessed by the friendship Crystal & I share. I never have to question if I can call her in a time of need. I look forward to many, many more memories with my best friend. God-willing, she'll one day stand beside me as I commit my heart to someone forever. However, even if that day never comes, I trust that she'll still be there..be my buddy..my Ethel! We can hit those cruise ships & stroll along checking out the old geezers. Haha. Love ya friend!