Happy 35th Birthday Mr. Sharma!

I had hoped that by this time, I’d be standing beside you as your wife celebrating your birthday with you. However, as I shared with T.R.’s students when I visited in January, Proverbs 16:9 is a reoccurring theme in my life. Once again, we had OUR plans but it is HIM who directs our steps. I trust that all of this is for HIS glory; though difficult it is to be far from you, the man my heart adores. I understand that in every relationship, there will be highs & lows; difficulties & trials. Emerging two cultures together within a marriage brings about other aspects that most couples will never face. Yet, I know that if we keep Christ at the center of our lives & our relationship, He will sustain us. In our differences, is the fact that at this very moment, your face is probably red & blushing with embarrassment that my words to you are being read before all of your friends, co-workers & students. My culture says that there is nothing wrong with displaying love & affection publicly. That can definitely be taken too far & there is a time & place for everything I agree. As a Christian bride-to-be, I want the entire world to know that God has not only poured out His love for me as He sent His only son to the cross to die on my behalf but He has shown me love again by giving me you, N.P. The Bible says that every good & perfect gift comes from the Father above. Next to my salvation, you are the greatest gift I’ve ever been blessed with. So, my dear husband-to-be, oblige me while I brag on you a bit. I can hear you now saying, “Heather, we do not boast…I am not good. We boast only in God & the work He has done.” You are right. Apart from Him, you are no good; nor am I, nor is anyone else. You have your faults as I have my faults as well. Your willingness to recognize, acknowledge, admit them & seek to be conformed into His image daily sets you apart from so many. I see that & see such beauty. With each day that passes, you become more & more attractive to me. Many things can be said on the phone, through e-mail & even on Skype. Yet, once I came to you in January, I was able to see that the authenticity I depicted over the months was actuality. I thought I was going to be meeting a guy that was sincere, real, genuine, caring, compassionate & while you were (& are) all of those things, you are so much more. Spending time with you in person, one-on-one was better than I could ever have imagined. Even so, that is not the thing that impressed me the most when I was there. Watching your interaction with others brought me to tears several time as I saw within you, the love that you have for people. I asked Shang Lama to inquire among the students what it is they like about you &/or things they admire about you. Shang shared with me that the students said that you are caring & like a friend to them. I saw that side of you in just two short weeks of being with you. I saw your caring, kind, compassionate side as I voiced frustrations & you listened & encouraged me. Definitely that was seen when I became sick & you did not hesitate at all to rush to my side to help me. You are, just as you should be, my best friend. I am thankful for the fact that even while you must be authoritative & lead your students, many of them know you & trust you as their friend that they can come to for Godly wisdom & counsel. I am so pleased to be marrying such a man. I cannot be with you on this, your special day but if the Lord wills, I will be there for your next birthday. My prayer is that of Proverbs 9:11, that by Him, your days will be multiplied & years may be added to your life.” I would like to offer up a prayer for you on this day.

Gracious Lord, Author & Giver of Life,
Today, I come to You thanking You for Your creation; N.P. I praise You because before he was even born You knew him, You created him in Your inmost being. You chose him & have had great plans for him in which You are continually working through him to accomplish Your purpose. God, I thank You not just for giving him life physically but for breathing life eternal into him by the power of Your Holy Spirit. Father, I thank You for drawing him to Yourself & for making Your will & ways known to him. I thank, You, Jesus that even from a world away as my grandparents, parents & I prayed for many years for God to send me a Godly mate; You have heard our petition & sent me N.P. Lord, we are not guaranteed tomorrow but we trust You with every moment You give us. Father, I ask that You continue to guide & direct N.P. on the path of righteousness. God, let him call upon You & seek Your face for every decision that must be made. May You fill him with Your wisdom & Your knowledge. Draw him closer & closer to Your side daily. Father, may You use him to fulfill Your work here on Earth for Your kingdom in heaven. May he be Your mouthpiece to a lost & dying people that desperately are in need of You. Jesus, may he praise You in the good times & in the bad with the understanding that through trials & tribulations, You are perfecting his faith. Father, I pray that Your hand be upon him that he may remain in good health. Give him rest when he is weary & strength when he is weak. Remind him each day that he belongs to You, he is YOUR child & You love him unconditionally forever. God, I thank You for the ways You have worked in his life thus far & I praise You in advance for that which You are going to do in & through Your son Narayan. Jesus, it is in Your most holy, precious name – the only name in which one can be saved that I ask these things, Amen.

 N.P., my love, I close this extremely long letter out by wishing you the very best birthday. Yes, 35 sounds old to you but thank the Lord for blessing you with 35 years. I love you with all of my heart & cannot wait to be Mrs. Sharma!

Insight into the "Unique One" - aka...Zachary

 I've recently done some thinking & it's occurred to me that as I've written about my closest friends over the years, I've never dedicated an entry to Zach. I guess I just saved the best for last? Not sure.  I know not when I'll be leaving the U.S. to move to Nepal but as I think about it & think about those I'll be leaving behind, I begin to get teary-eyed when I think of saying bye to Zachary. In 2008, a tall, lanky, awkward "kid" came to join the crew at Missouri Valley FCU. First impressions of Zach? Quiet & boring. Boy was I wrong! I don't recall when I finally realized that my perception of him distinctly incorrect but over the last 5 years, he's went from dull & uninteresting to being not just the person that has made me laugh more than any other but a lot more. If you would have asked me if I'd ever be best pals with someone 11 years younger than myself, that would have been a definite no. Yet, that is exactly what he's grown to be. We have learned that while we have many differences, we are A LOT alike. While we both are relatively picky eaters (& we dislike the exact same things - tomatoes, onions, etc.), we are both very adventurous with our taste-buds. There are very few people that enjoy going to try different ethnic foods - we both LOVE to do so & generally, like the same things. I can go anywhere & confidently order for Zach knowing that he will like whatever I choose because I simply must order him the same thing I am having or something that I know I would also like. When the Festival of Nations took place here in St. Louis a couple of months ago, there was no question in my mind who I wanted to go with me. I knew that I'd not have to worry about him being unhappy with the food; in fact, I knew we would share food. Share we did. He may differ from me on his musical preferences (he despises Country Music) but I believe he would admit to being suprised at the fact that I have liked the majority of that which he listens to. He hates baseball & we could fight about that all day long but it's not worth it. Our sense of humor is quite similar. Both of us being very dry & sarcastic. Many have a difficult time understanding whether or not we are kidding with them. Yet, we never have to question one another. We take great pleasure in our ability to pull a good prank on someone & are thrilled to have pulled a good one over on our former boss a couple of years ago (not sure that was nearly as amused at that moment). Not only is he someone I just really enjoy my time with but he is truly like a brother to me. I've never had an older brother & unless my parents somehow adopt an adult male older than myself, I never will. And, while Zach is younger than me, he acts like an older brother in many ways. I've always envisioned a big brother as a protector. Several years ago, I was involved in a not-so-great relationship. As I tried to move forward & had a hard time doing so, Zach would often tell me, "Heather, you deserve so much better than this." He has always been looking out for my best interest. Zach was in Kuwait when N.P. & I began talking to one another. Excited about the possibility that I thought might be ahead of me, I immediately wrote Zach to tell him all about N.P. As any good brother would do, Zach questioned me on some things. He expressed his concerns. Today, N.P. & Zach have spoken a few times & Zach is confident in my relationship with N.P. & has no doubt that N.P. & I love one another & N.P. will take great care of me. I did not need Zach's approval but I'm thankful to have received it - it means a lot to me as I value his opinion & thoughts. Zach is young but mature beyond his years. His dad may argue otherwise (actually, there is no "may"; he would!) but really, he is. I've a ton of respect & admiration for Zach. He is the "give the shirt off his back" to anybody kind of guy regardless as to who it is, if he likes them or knows them. He's the rare guy not interested in dating around just for the sheer sake of doing so or obtaining whatever he can from a girl. He's the guy that believes that once you're a parent, your role & responsibility is to parent. Your life is no longer about YOUR wants & YOUR desires but you should become selfless putting your child before you. He's the guy that might be tired, have a million things to do & be super busy but if you are hurting & need a friend, he'll drop everything to be there to listen. He's the guy that might get irritated with me & say, "Heather, I hate you" or "Heather, I want to murder you" & 5 minutes later divulge the very depths of his heart with me. He's the guy that while he might feel bad that I hurt my leg, he'll laugh at me gimping around. He's the guy that has worked hard to protect me from stupid mistakes that would harm me. He's the guy that has come to sit in an Emergency Room with me to make sure I'm OK when for sure, he had things he much rather be doing. He's the guy that taught me how to tie a scarf (yeah, I know...weird). He's the guy that can't carry a tune but sure does have stage presence. He's the guy that I have had the joy of sitting next to nearly every day for the last 5 years. As many of you may know, you oftentimes spend more time with those you work with than your own family. Not that you want it to be so but that's just how it is...we work 8-10 hrs. a day, go home, see our families a few hours in the evening & repeat. Not only have I spent a large amount of time with Zach inside of work but together, we've spent tons of time outside of work whether it be eating out, him hanging out here at our house, taking students out together or whatever...we've been with each other often. Not only is he an important part of my life but my family's life - my parents, my sister, aunt, uncle & cousins love him. He is always willing to help out when needed. Goodbyes have never come easy for me. Seems that from a young age, I've experienced many of them. Throughout the years, I don't know that I could say they've become any less difficult for me even though they've been frequent occurrences in my life. There are some that I've had the pleasure of knowing & while it's sad to say farewell at the initial moment, life has a way of just moving on. We lose contact, stay out of touch. There are others that no matter what, I still think about them often. I miss them. I think of my sister Claudia in Germany. My brother Volter on the East Coast. All of my Nepali brothers that were here in 2010 (Prasoon, Narayan, Dilesh, Keshav, Pratik, Sujan, Arpit & Ishwor). Those were hard goodbyes & even still, my heart longs to see them all. They will always, no matter where they are, be significant to me. Zach is definitely one that, when the time comes, no amount of preparation will ready for me goodbye. I am so thankful that God put this young kid in my life & even more so for the friendship that has grown between us & the relationship that I'll get to see develop between he & N.P. as well. I am absolutely elated that Zach has agreed to be the Best Man in mine & N.P.'s wedding. I'm pleased that as N.P. knows no one here, the person that has had my back & been there for me more than any other friend over the last few years will stand beside N.P. & support of our marriage one to another. I'm excited for the day in the future when Zach comes to visit us in Nepal. Anxious to see the family he'll have one day knowing that he will make an excellent husband & father down the road. We often joke...Zach is an English major & neither he nor I like acronyms. As we joke, I like to tell him he's my BFF. Yes, annoying as that is (the BFF), it's true. He really is one of my best friends & forever will be. He likes to try to make me cry. Not sure why that is fun for him but it is. He thinks back to when I learned he was going to be deployed - I was getting teary-eyed months in advance. Now, he loves to torment me & say, "I can't imagine when you leave this time. You're already about to cry now." And, he's right. Knowing that I'm moving to where I know God wants me to be & that I get do so with the person I love with all of my heart that God has gifted me gives me great joy. However, that does not mean that there is a bit of sadness when I think about leaving behind those I love the most. For those (including Zach) I pray God's best. I pray that as we go through life meeting new people & saying our goodbyes, that we would all be reminded of that which I often hear God saying to me, "Heather, I will never leave you nor forsake you." No other can ever offer that. Yet, I'm thankful...I'm thankful for Zach. I pray that I've made some type of impact on his life & that his life has been made better because of having me in it. I know mine has been enriched greatly because of him. 

One Step Closer

Nope, this is NOT "THE" dress

Seems almost unfathomable that a year ago, I stood inside the Bridal Shop in the dress that I planned to one day wear & now as things seem to continue going smooth with the visa process; that day may be coming soon. The day that I've dreamt of since long ago appears to be drawing ever closer. When we received word last week that the Petition for Fiance Visa had been approved & is now being sent to the National Visa Center, that was great news. If you know me well, you know I do not like spontaneity, don't like surprises, I like order, I like a schedule, I like to know what I am going to do & when I am going to do it. There is not, in my mind, an adventurous spirit to me. Seems fitting that I would begin conversing with a man with whom I had never met on the other side of the world, fall in love with him, decide I want to spend the rest of my life with him before I'd even met him & furthermore; agree to move to HIS country far away from everything I've ever known or everyone I've ever loved. Sounds like the norm for someone of my type, doesn't it? Yes, crazy to think that such would happen to a girl like me. Of course, I was making plans to move to Nepal before N.P. ever came into the picture but it still gives me a chuckle. For someone that likes to plan & know what I'm going to do every step of the way, my time in Nepal in January was a bit of adjustment & gave me insight to the life ahead of me. Thankfully, I'd already been a bit acclimated to the fact that most (don't want to put everyone in the same category) Nepalese don't run their lives off of a schedule. While there, I realized that as I would ask N.P., "Honey, don't we need to decide what we're going to do tomorrow" or "Shouldn't we call that person first?", those are not common occurrences there. If you want to visit, you plan last minute & you may even make an appearance without having sought approval first. There's no need to figure out what you are going to do hours in advance; much less days before. I've come to learn with my Nepalese Friends here in St. Louis that if I'm going to be invited to do something with them, it is likely I will not be notified about the gathering until the day of the meeting. Like most young girls, I would drift away into dreamland picturing myself marrying years down the road. I think most girls would state that they thought long & hard about everything they want - what kind of dress, flowers, colors, bridal party, venue, food, etc. I'm no different. When I thought of all these things, I assumed I'd have a long time to plan everything out once the guy came along. Nope. Provided N.P. is granted the visa, we will have 90 legal days from the visa grant date to marry. So, if he was granted the visa Nov. 15 for example, we would have until Feb. 15, 2014 to marry. For me, my initial reaction is to panic - so little time. Step #1. Call the church to reserve it (yes, I'll be marrying within my church). While calling, pray that the church will be available & hope that though they want 8 weeks notice, they will understand our circumstances & work with us on it. Step #2. Work on N.P.'s flight & getting him here. Step #3. Contact all of the bridal party to notify them of the wedding date & hold out hope that even with such little notice, they'll be able to take part. Step #4. Understand that with so little time, I will not have the luxury of checking with everyone to see what date works best for them. The list goes on & on. At the end of the day, as much as I want things a certain way (which, not really. No one fears my being a Bridezilla as I've pretty much given my sister & cousin full permission to do whatever they would like in the way of decorating, etc. I've given them my colors & a theme & told them they could run with it!), time is limited & some things just are not important. What matters & what I'm most excited about is the thought that this incredible man that I've been praying for all of these years will finally be here in my presence (God-willing) & our lives will be joined as one. These are the things on my mind. Yes, I want the wedding preparations & wedding itself to go well but that is not nearly as important as the marriage itself. I'll be marrying my very best friend...how could that be anything less than beautiful? God certainly has a sense of humor - never would have thought all of this. I'm glad. Thankful that He knows best & for me, N.P. is best.

God Shed Your Grace on Thee + some more "Thees"

Independence Day has always been one of my favorite holidays. From childhood, I remember 4th of July's spent at my Uncle Arlon & Aunt Sheryl's house celebrating not just the holiday but both mine & my cousin's birthday (her birthday being July 5th, mine on the 18th...born just 13 days apart in 1979). We would spend nearly the entire day in the swimming pool playing Marco Polo & having a good time. At night, sometimes our cousins or others would shoot off fireworks. I could watch fireworks all night every night & never tire of it. Though I am a person that enjoys peace & quietness, I do not mind the sound of fireworks going off continuously. When a Patriotic Song comes on, I'm the first one to sing along. Usually, I'm the one trying to rally people to join in. I feel compelled to march around to the music playing. Everything related to this particular holiday, I love. I am thankful to the many men & women who have served that have paid the ultimate price so that we may enjoy the freedoms we do. I did not choose my birthplace but am blessed to have been born here in this great nation. I am moved to tears when I see an elderly veteran recounting their time at war. I am grateful when a soldier passes by me in uniform. I feel a sense of pride when the flag is unfurled & the Stars & Stripes of the Red, White & Blue wave freely even in the midst of trials & difficulty. Yes, all of these things excite me & I'm thankful to God for where I come from. I've been blessed - blessed beyond measure. While I love America & no National Anthem will ever be able to match that of the Star-Spangled Banner (for those unaware, that is the actual name of the U.S. National Anthem. Surprisingly, I've seen a number of programs in which Americans themselves state our anthem's title as The National Anthem or Oh Say Can You See) in my humble opinion, there is an anthem that rings much greater - the Anthem of Christ my King.  Yet, as great as America is, I am reminded that we as Americans are not more special than any other country in the world nor does He favor us more than others. As of late, it has become increasingly more popular for people to ask me why I want to go to Nepal? Why won't N.P. & I just marry & stay here in the U.S. I've an answer for that. I'm currently reading a book by Pastor David Platt. The book is titled Follow Me. I am absolutely loving this book as it has really opened my eyes to a number of things. In his book, Platt states, "Jesus is indeed the resurrected God, Savior & King who alone has paid the price for sinners & paved the way for everlasting salvation, so telling people everywhere about Jesus is the only thing that makes sense. It is the height of arrogance to sit silent while 597 million Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, & Sikhs go to hell. It is the epitome of hate to not sacrifice your very life to spread this Good News among every person you know and every people group on the planet." I could not agree more with that statement - especially as I know that many people I love fall under one or more of those mentioned. We have a tendency to talk about how much He loves us. We sing songs like David Crowder's "How He Loves" (oh, how He loves us so, oh how He loves us, how He loves us so). While that is true & He does love us, we are not the only one He loves. His death was not just for me, His death was to purchase people from every tribe & language & people & nation. The Apostle Paul has long been one of my "Bible Heroes" so to speak. I anxiously await meeting Paul in heaven. In Romans 15, Paul states the following: It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else’s foundation. Rather, as it is written: “Those who were not told about him will see and those who have not heard will understand.” Why go to Nepal? That's why. Over the last few years, God has given me an undeniable passion & love for the people of Nepal. My heart is saddened when I consider the hundreds of thousands that have never "heard". I trust His Word. I trust that when told, people will see. Once heard, people will understand. I live in a country where one would be hard-pressed to not find some type of church  on nearly every street corner. It would be highly unusual that there would be someone in the U.S. that has not ever heard the name of Christ. Platt goes on to say "Surely none of us can decide to make him Lord. Jesus is Lord regardless of what you or I decide." True. Platt continues, "The Bible is clear that one day "every knee will bow, in heaven & on earth & under the earth, & every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord." The question is not whether we will make Jesus Lord. The real question is whether you or I will submit to his lordship." I desire for the people of Nepal to be told, see, hear & understand so that they may submit to his lordship. My prayer is that the people of Nepal would worship Jesus & He alone. So, hours from now, I'll gather with family & celebrate America. The Patriotic March CD has already been blaring from my car, I've worn my Patriotic Apparel. Furthermore, I will express gratitude to the Lord for this nation & for those who founded it, those who fought to preserve it & those who continue to don the military uniform. I will thank God for the blessings He's poured out to this Land. As I sing asking God to "shed His Grace on Thee", my "Thee" will include Taiwan, China, India, Indonesia, Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany, Croatia, the Ukraine, England, France, Spain,  Brazil, Romania, Zimbabwe, Ghana, Colombia, Honduras,Panama, Nicaragua, many others & Nepal - especially Nepal. 

A Much Needed Reality Shock

For those that know me well, I'm sure you will find some of this quite comedic. There is a point though. We'll get there. When arriving at the retreat center in Nepal where I would be staying, N.P. & I entered through the gate & immediately began climbing up the flights of stairs. He was before me holding one end of my large suitcase while I was on the other end helping to hold it up. 1 flight of stairs, 2 flights of stairs, 3 flights of stairs. I was wondering if we were ever going to reach my room. A room on the 4th Floor & my spending the next 10 minutes huffing & puffing & trying to regain my breath made for an early realization that my trips up & down those steps would be limited. I was determined that if I were going down, I would have everything necessary with me so that nothing would be forgotten leaving me to have to climb back up yet again. If I were to go up, it would most likely be because I was not going anywhere else for the evening. I finally was stable; breathing again when N.P. & I decided to go seek out some dinner. If I had to guess, The Bakery Café was maybe a half a mile away – “maybe”. As we left, the sun had already set, it was dark, there were no lights & I was rather fearful as traffic was buzzing all around me. Managing not to get hit was a big enough task, let alone trying not to trip & fall or hit a rock & sprain my ankle (in case you have not figured it out, many of the “roads” are not paved. Dirt, rocks & potholes made up the majority). Just that effort was exhausting. I bet we were ¾ the way to the place when I began to complain about being tired. Imagine the surprise on N.P.’s face when I expressed being tiresome. Granted he had seen plenty of pictures of me, talked with me on Skype by video & I had shared that I hated walking or any form of exercise, I don’t think he knew to what extent I meant that. Of course, he’s use to walking. His feet are his primary mode of transportation. In that moment, I knew it was going to be a long 2 weeks (in that regard). As the days went by, things did get easier (though I continued to walk with my head down looking to see where my feet were going so that I would not have an accident). One day, we went walking to see about having an outfit made for me. After we finished that up, we continued walking & N.P. planned to show me something; a square full of Hindu Temples. Shocked that he had not commented on the fact that I had not griped about the walk, I wanted to point out to him that I had not said anything. I said, “Honey, aren’t you amazed that I’ve not said one word yet or asked how much longer we have to walk?” Then, he said that he was & he was proud of me. He wanted to know that I was OK. I assured him I was. The following week, we went to visit some friends. After I spoke to one of his friends’ seminary classes, we then went walking in search of a particular restaurant that was said to have very good fish. The sun was shining brightly with not a cloud in sight as we just continued marching on. Though we never came to the place he had hoped to find, we did stop to eat. While all previous areas were found with plenty of taxis or rickshaws, to see anything at all on this road was rare. I knew that our return would be by foot.  From time to time, N.P. would ask me if I was OK or if I was tired. I would reply, “I’m fine.” I was fine. He offered to try to find us a ride to prevent us from having to walk so very far. I kept insisting I was fine. We walked until we could walk no longer & we needed to take a taxi just to get to the next area. If I had to guess, we walked a good 5-6 miles that day. That is about 5-6 miles farther than I walk on any given day. Yet, I trekked along & managed remarkably well. I was not worn out until later on that afternoon when it seemed we would NEVER find a taxi. At which point, N.P. decided we would take a bicycle rickshaw. I had stared at those things for days & knew good & well that we were NOT going to fit in one together. However, N.P. insisted it would be OK. While it was OK, it was a tight fit & that was not because of N.P. but because of me (in particular, my hips). I had great sympathy for the cyclist who was pulling us along - especially considering the distance we were going. Though they are used to riding people around all day long, I still felt bad. I felt horrible that their legs were probably in dire pain because of us (me rather). If all of this was not enough, there's more. One day, prior to our Engagement Ceremony, N.P. needed to go to his college in order to get some things. He invited me to go with him. For those that have not been to Nepal, it's many hills & mountains - you just go up, up, up & climb some more to get anywhere (or so it seems). As the taxi was carrying us up the gigantic hill to his college, the taxi stopped. After a few minutes, we realized that the taxi was not going to make it up the hill with us in it (not sure that taxis usually go up to the area). N.P. said, "Honey, we're going to have to walk up the hill to the college." My enthusiasm about the situation was lacking. But, we began. As soon as we did, the heavens opened up & a torrential downpour came; not just heavy rain but hail as well. All the while, there were N.P. & me trying to climb this steep hill. N.P. held my hand & kept saying, "Come on honey, you can do it." I did it. By the time it was done, I was near death (at least I thought so) & then saw that we were not done with our climb. His room was up several flights of stairs. More walking. More climbing. Now, I must admit, there were a lot of laughs that came with this - both of us soaking wet, covered in dirt, mud from our battle through the hailstorm. If you have spent much time around me, you can surely envision how funny it all was. You might think this is the end of my walking tales. Not so. The day before I was to leave to return to the states, N.P. took me to an area which would give me the opportunity to see all of Kathmandu from atop. When we arrived I saw.....you guessed it, STEPS! I was quick to express my displeasure. After about 100 steps, I saw something close by & assumed it was our destination point. I said, "Oh, that's where we're going?" N.P. said, "No, we're only 1/4 of the way there." I can tell you, we did not see the other 300+ steps as I informed him we would not be going, turned right around & began my descent. N.P. was most understanding, kind, caring & loving & simply said, "No problem honey. We will walk this other way." I had only 1 question - "Is it full of steps?" He assured me that though there were steps, there were not nearly as many as the path we had been on. After walking for a while, the steps began to come within view. I finally reached a point where I did not want to continue on. I was fed up with steps. He let me know what had to keep going so we could get to the top. Once there, I'd be able to see all of Kathmandu. I looked to the side & said, "I can see it all from right here." He corrected me by pointing out that I could not see the other side of where we were. He also said that once I got to the type, I'd be telling him how beautiful it was. So, I began moving & hit the steps...again. As I did so, I could hear N.P. counting the steps as I would climb them "1-2-3". That did NOT make me giddy inside. I looked at him & suggested that he would be wise to not count another step. He just laughed hysterically. He found the entire situation hilarious. Alas, we made it to the top & well, he was right. The view from atop was beautiful. I was thankful he had encouraged me to keep on keeping on. As a side note: I will let you know that when we made it to the top, I looked down & saw hundreds of stairs. I asked N.P. where they led to. He informed me those where the steps we would have reached the top on had we continued on the steps where we started. Imagine that...2 routes & he thought that the one with HUNDREDS of steps was the best route from the beginning? He is fortunate I didn't strangle him! You may be wondering why I am sharing all of this? For some of you, you've probably found it entertaining or funny. That is not my main purpose (though, I completely understand if you were giggling. I was the whole time). I share all this to say that though I already knew I was out of shape, overweight & not in good health; it was never made as clear to me as when I was in Nepal. Having been there 2 weeks, I was able to catch a glimpse into my future. I knew ahead of time I would be doing a lot of walking. I think I underestimated just how much. I am well aware that unless I make some significant changes, there will not only be no improvement but I will not last long in Nepal. I am not currently in the physical condition I need to be to survive there. With that being said, I have found myself in a place that I've been in numerous times before. - trying to lose weight. For years, the desire was not necessarily to do so to better my health but because I simply hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror & I thought that if I were to be thinner, maybe one day some guy would find me attractive, fall in love with me & desire to marry me. My reasoning has changed since I last endeavored upon changing. God has brought N.P. into my life & though N.P. desires to see me lose weight simply because he is concerned about my health, he loves me just the way I am. He finds me beautiful as I am. He sees me for my heart, not just what is on the outside.No, I am no longer out to get some guys attention. I didn't have to try - N.P. picked me!  Now, I am focused on the fact that I look at my family & I worry. My dad has had Quadruple Bypass & nearly died. My mom is Diabetic. I have already had 2 strokes & was diagnosed as borderline Diabetic in 2007. My sister has lost weight but is still overweight. I fear all of us winding up in a hospital because we're obese. As I prepare for my life in Nepal, I HAVE to, I MUST lose weight. I desire to not just be N.P.'s wife as long as God gives me the privilege but I desire to be used in ministry to the fullest capacity. I cannot be if I'm too fat to walk everywhere. As I've thought about all of this, I've decided not just to think but to act. For the last few weeks, I have been eating healthier. I've replaced my cookies, cake, brownies & potato chips with cucumbers, carrots, grapes & bananas. I have began walking. The first night I went to do so, my sister told me that there was a possibility that she & her husband may want to go with me if he was not too tired when he got home from work. I looked at her & said, "Nope, not waiting". I knew that if he were too tired to go, they would not go & it would be late & I would lose all motivation & not go at all. I've spent far too long waiting for others & simply cannot afford to wait any longer. The time has come when I must exercise discipline & commitment to something. Every day, I go to my old high school to walk. I had been going in the evenings but have found that I am better off doing so in the morning. I set my alarm for 5:15 & head to the track. I've been doing a mile every time & am in hopes that soon, I'll be able to increase my distance. This is a start but a huge start for me. I would ask you, my friends, to please pray for me. I definitely need your prayers & encouragement. I am looking forward to the day that I am in good enough condition to climb to up to the top of the mountain in Pokhara to see the sunrise with N.P. I am eager for the day when I can walk one flight of stairs without breathing like a dog. I am looking forward to wearing smaller clothes & having to have my wedding dress taken in because it's too big. With His help, I can do this!

 

Above: Taking a break from climbing steps - not a look of happiness on my face either.

Below: A view of Kathmandu

Lifetime of Learning

No matter where we are, no matter who we know...we are never done learning. Life is always giving us opportunities to gain more knowledge & learn more & more. With any relationship, the more time you spend with the person, the more you learn about them. Do I know everything there is to know about my fiance, Narayan Prasad Sharma? No. Does he know everything there is to know about me? Absolutely not. Each day we continue to learn new things about one another & long after we're married, we'll still be learning. I was reminded of this yesterday when a man came into my work to withdrawal money from his account. The man requested $250.00, $30.00 of it to be in $1.00 bills. Now, if you are American, you probably have some guesses as to what he was going to do with those dollar bills but he claimed they were going to be used to purchase Mountain Dew's from the vending machine at his work. Whether or not the man was lying, I'll never know but that is beside the point. As I thought about Mountain Dew, I thought "Wow, I can't even drink 1, much less to think about drinking 30 of them!" I was taken back to my time a few months ago when I was in Nepal. N.P. & I traveled to meet his friend T.R. When we reached Chitwan, we stopped into a cafe to eat some Momo (a Tibetan Dumpling). N.P. asked if I would like a "coke". I replied that I would. When he returned, he had a Mountain Dew in his hand for me. He let me know that they were out of cokes. I politely thanked him, opened the Mountain Dew & slowly drank it. Only after I returned home to the U.S. did I share with him that of all the sodas I dislike the most, Mountain Dew is the one I least like. On my first night in Nepal, I was all psyched & ready for some good Nepali food. Nope. We went to the Bakery Cafe where N.P. decided to order a Chicken Burger & Pizza. WHAT? American food? Not what I had hoped for. As N.P. asked what kind of pizza I wanted, I pointed out that I don't like veggies on pizza but I could pick things off that I might not like. What kind of pizza did he order? A supreme - full of vegetables. Immediately, I began removing onions, peppers & chunks of tomatoes. N.P. felt horrible. He somehow missed my saying that I did not like veggies on pizza. Such was a time of learning for him though. He was discovering that while I may be pretty diverse with my taste buds, I can also be a bit picky. Not only do I not like veggies on pizza, I do not like cooked tomatoes. I also do not like onions unless they are sauteed so softly that there is absolutely no crunch to them & go nearly unnoticeable to me. Though I do not like these things, I WILL eat them in Nepali foods. He took mental notes of all of this. Unfortunately, I had never had Sugarcane or Sugarcane Juice prior to my time there. As we were returning from a long day (I had spoken to a class for 1 hour that morning & we then spent time walking & then stopping for lunch), we were walking up the road when we came across a lady on the side of the road making juice. N.P. asked me if I liked Sugarcane Juice. I informed him I had never had it & did not want any. When he saw the lady had pineapples, he asked if I liked Pineapple Juice. I let him know that I do - I love it. He requested that she make me some Pineapple Juice but she was unable to do so; she could only make Sugarcane Juice. After specifically stating that I was not interested in trying it, he bought me an entire glass of Sugarcane Juice - some of the worst stuff I've ever put in my mouth. I did not like it AT ALL! Trying to get it all down was hard work as I wanted to just dump it out on the ground. N.P. did not learn just how much I disliked it until a while later when I informed him that he better never make me drink that stuff again. He learned that I have a LONG way to go before I am able to cook a Nepali Meal & make it taste decent. He learned that I am not the American Girl coming to his country expecting the finer things in life. I learned that even though he hates cauliflower, he is kind enough to buy it, prepare it & even eat some of it simply because it's one of my favorite Nepali dishes. I learned that washing clothes by hand can be somewhat enjoyable if you have someone you love beside you & you laugh a lot while you are doing the washing. I learned that N.P. will never be drinking his coffee or tea black - he's got to have at least 2 spoons of sugar in a cup. I learned that despite the fact he does not think he cooks well, he does. I learned that he is even better than who I thought he was. I learned that he does not think a sari (Nepali/Indian dress) suits me well. I learned that he wants to please everyone; make everybody happy. I learned that though I may think the money should not be spent, there will be times when N.P. simply wants to do something special for me & I need to allow him to do so & just show gratitude. I learned that even though he is getting older & can't do what he may have been able to do in the past, he's still going to go play volleyball even when I warn him that he's going to again be experiencing pain later because he will hurt his knee. I learned that he does not like rain, cloudy days or cold weather. If the sun is not shining, he is thinking he doesn't like the day.While some of these things are humorous & some are not, these are all things that we would never know if we did not spend time with one another, talk with one another, listen to each other. Our relationship will grow deeper as we learn these things about one another. Not only do we just learn but we apply that which we learn & we do our best to remember & to also seek ways to improve upon the areas in which we may falter or fail. The same is true in our relationship with Jesus. If we fail to pray, if we fail to read His Word, if we fail to meditate upon it - how can we know Him? How can we know His likes/dislikes? How can we know what He loves? As I seek to know my fiance more & more, my prayer is that I would even more so, seek to know my Heavenly Father more day by day. May God grant me a teachable spirit in which each moment is one where the Lord may teach me something new.

Wisdom Imparted

This morning, a 79 year old member came in to be waited on. As he was leaving, I was reminded of a conversation he & I had a few years ago. This kind gentleman has been a member of the credit union for many years & I remember him from when I first started back in November 2009. I do not find it unusual or out of the ordinary when members inquire about my marital status. Some do so simply because they are nosey people, some ask because they are curious for their own benefit thinking perhaps they may woo me & some are just kind-hearted individuals that feel like they know me & seek to know me better as they often feel as though I’m a granddaughter, daughter, niece, etc. to them.  The latter is true with this nice senior adult. From time to time, he likes to talk to me about his late wife. The love he has for her even now, years after her death, is astonishing. Clearly, he loved (& still does) deeply. One day, several years ago, he asked me if I was married. I politely responded, “No sir, I am not.” He began to impart some wisdom to me & tell me that whatever I was to do, make sure I look for man that loves Jesus because if the man loves Jesus, he will treat me well & we would have a long lasting marriage. Unfortunately, when he walked out the door today, I was on a phone call & did not have the opportunity to speak with him. I want Erwin to know that I found a man who loves Jesus & I’ve no doubt that he will treat me well & our marriage will last until the Lord calls us home. Thankful for those people that God puts in our path to share lessons learned & impart their wisdom to us. I pray that Mr. Sharma & I will have a marriage as great as this man’s was & that each day, our love for one another would only flourish that much more & that when asked about our love for one another, we may say that we love each other more at that time than the day we married.

Wanted: Contentment

Jer 17:7-8 7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD. 8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

For some time, I’ve found myself being in a real state of dissatisfaction – restlessness. Even more so after returning from Nepal. My heart longs to be elsewhere (in Nepal, with N.P., ministering to the Nepalese People) & yet, I remain here. As some of you may have seen on Facebook, I’ve started the filing to Petition for the Fiance Visa. Some of you may ask why that is if N.P. had planned to just apply last month for the Travel Visa to come here over the summer for marriage. Unfortunately, as I faced reality, I’ve learned that my debt is too great to be paid off by July or August of this year. More than likely, I will not be debt-free until a year from now. With this realization, N.P. & I had to take into consideration that should he be granted the visa to come for a wedding over the summer, he would be returning to Nepal without me. After much prayer & discussion between the two of us, believing firmly that it is not God’s intention for husband & wife to be part; we are waiting. I am not a patient person. I do not like to wait at all; especially when I must wait for that which my heart most longs for.

I have friends (husband/wife) who have been separated for over a year now as the husband took on new job in Texas. Meanwhile, the wife stays here in St. Louis as they pray continually or their house here to sell. Some weeks, she travels to TX to see her husband while at other times, he makes the journey up here. They are anxious for their home here to sell so that she can finally move to TX, join her husband in finding a permanent place to live, a church to join & simply be back together as a couple. Yet, they wait.

I’ve another friend who is desperately wishing to return to Asia for ministry. Yet, circumstances here prevent him from doing so. So, he waits.

As I was reading my Bible this morning, I came across the verse at the opening of this entry & they spoke to me greatly. I have determined that even though I may not “want” to be where I am, God has chosen to keep me here. The All Sovereign God that I have great faith in is fully capable of wiping away my financial debt & providing me with the ability to board the first plane out to Nepal if He so chooses. At this time, it would appear that He has a plan for my being here. My prayer has been for contentment, that I, like the Apostle Paul, would learn to be content no matter what my state & that I would obey 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “1Thess 5:16-18 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." This verse does not tell us that that we are to rejoice sometimes, pray at set times or give thanks when things are going the way we want to. No, even when I would much rather be in Nepal, I'm to rejoice. I am to pray continually & be grateful always. As I reflect back to the passage in Jeremiah, I'm encouraged by these words in a commentary I read & I pray this will be true of me.How can I not be excited for Our Lord's Name to be glorified?!

Oh what a gracious and loving God we serve! When we are experiencing difficult times and He is where we confidently place our trust, He becomes our trust, our security, and He places us in a refreshing place where we firmly stay, not afraid or worried in our struggle. Rather, we are nourished, all the while producing fruit for His kingdom. Fellow Christians are edified, while the unsaved are witnessed to, by the peace He imparts to us in the midst of our struggle. All the more, God's holy name is glorified.h.

Asking for Thought to Be Used On April Fool's Day

First let me state that no, I am not pregnant & no, I am not participating in an April Fool's Day joke to claim that I am. I remember expressing my displeasure with such a joke a few years ago & today, I find myself doing so again. I have seen countless individuals posting things all over Facebook about how they went to the store today to buy a test & learned that they will no longer be a family of 2 but of 3, their "only" child will now have a sibling, etc. All of these implying that they are "expecting". I have seen so many of these that I would probably not even be able to count how many. While I like a good prank & am all for good times & fun, I think it's wise to remember that some jokes, though not intended to hurt others, bring about great pain. How could such a joke be an issue?

Less than 2 years ago, a good friend of mine suffered an Ectopic Pregnancy in which she lost her baby. She & her husband have been trying to conceive for quite a while & she just learned within the last couple of weeks that she has cysts on her Fallopian Tubes. The doctor told her that she may never be able to have a child. She was told that IVF may be her only hope. She has shed many tears over the thought of not being able to conceive & give birth to a little baby & even more so knowing that she does not have thousands of dollars for IVF. She would give anything to get pregnant & give birth to a child. While she celebrates with other women who learn they are expecting, she smiles when she sees babies around; she also cries when no one is looking because she longs to be a mom.

She is just one example. For years after they married, my cousin & his wife were badgered by many in our family (including myself) about having kids. After many years, they were prepared to go to a meeting on adoption when they learned they were pregnant. It was only then that we discovered that all of those years, they had been trying to conceive but were unable to. Each time someone mentioned it to them, it was like stabbing them with a knife & twisting it. I learned then that I would never again do such as we never know what people are going through. Their greatest desire was to be parents & yet, for so long, it was not happening.

Now, I consider my own life. After my strokes & heart surgery, I learned that I have a gene mutation that causes my blood to be more prone to clotting (thus the reason for my strokes). At that time, I was informed that because of these mutation, conceiving may be very difficult for me & should I conceive, my pregnancy would be considered high-risk. For those with this gene mutation, conceiving is difficult & miscarrying is common. I never would have thought such would bother me but when I heard those words; it was rough. I am thankful to be marrying a man who will love me regardless & I'm even more thankful for a faith that goes beyond what doctors say.N.P. & I trust that if it is God's will for me to one day carry a child, He will make that happen. All things are in His Hands. Still, that all being said...it does not change the fact that there are many ladies whose hearts are aching for motherhood & yet, for whatever reasons, it has not happened. I think there is a time for joking & things to kid about. Not my intention to scold anyone who has taken part in trying to pull one over on someone with this particular joke today but just encourage you to really think about things first. For those that know me, my sarcasm is not surprising. However, there are times when I have really damaged relationships/people with my words. Over the years, I've tried to think more about what I am saying as I never wish to hurt someone - I pray I show love. I definitely want to be one showing love to those ladies out there whose hearts are aching to be mom's. I know that to joke about something they desperately desire is not the way to go. While you may never have thought about it, there may be someone on your friend's list who is like me, my cousin & his wife or my friend. Today, when they saw you joking about something they wish would happen in their life -( to take a pregnancy test & get a positive result, to go for an ultrasound & to hear a heartbeat, to experience morning sickness, to see their belly grow as their baby develops, to go shopping for baby clothes/furniture/diapers, & to give birth to a little bundle of joy) - tears may have streamed down their face. Just a thought.

Entering A Whole New World

After buying my plane ticket in October & preparing for my trip to Nepal, the climatic moment arrived; the moment everyone had been waiting for. My International Siblings pondered what would transpire at the airport. Would my first meeting with N.P. be one straight out of a movie in which, in slow motion, 2 people run towards one another, grab one another & begin to kiss passionately? Would we simply shake hands? One of my brothers mentioned his desire to implant a video camera into my luggage that could capture everything. Fortunately, by the time he got to the airport to bid me farewell, I was already through security & had no knowledge of his even being there. Thus, my journey began...

All flights went well until I arrived in New Delhi. Like everyone else, I stood in the extremely long line to go through security & just as I was prepared to put my belongings in the milk carton crate (yes, instead of the plastic bins you are all familiar with at our airports here in the U.S., India uses what appears to be milk carton crates) for screening, I handed the officer my passport & boarding pass & was told, "I need to see your boarding pass." I said, "This is my boarding pass." The officer said, "No, this is not a boarding pass." I said, "Sir, it says boarding pass right here at the top." Though the paper had my flight number, seat number & so forth, since I was changing airlines, I needed to see India Air for another boarding pass. The pass in my possession from American Airlines was not sufficient. I was told I needed to go to the India Air Service Counter. Panicked, I rushed to their counter & as they searched their computers, my eyes were glued to my watch; fearful that I would miss my flight due to having to go stand in that long line again to get through security. The representative at the ticket counter needed my first boarding pass in order to locate my pass for the flight from Delhi to Kathmandu. Alas, my boarding pass was printed & I was instructed to basically push my way through the crowds in order to bypass the long line that I had already been standing in. Not one to usually be bold enough to do so, time was of the essence & I knew that I HAD to get on that flight or who knew when I would make it to Nepal. So, push my way through I did. I had what seemed like 10 miles to travel to reach the necessary gate. I was well prepared to improve my appearance while awaiting my flight. I had make-up, a comb, hair-brush, body spray, etc. Unfortunately, I was so rushed & so little time remained that I was only able to change my clothes. Which, believe me, that was a positive. Still, I was disappointed that my first meeting with the man I was going to marry was going to be one in which I looked disastrous. Then again, if he could accept me looking like so & having quite a stench, he would surely love me forever. Minutes before boarding began for the flight to Nepal, I realized something. My baggage claim ticket was attached to my first boarding pass - the boarding pass I had given to the representative at the India Air counter 10 miles away. I had failed to get that back from the man. Again, I began to worry. Would I get my bag? Certainly, there was no time to make my way back to that counter to retrieve it. I just had to let it be & pray that all would work out OK.I was now on the plane seated by a young Nepali man & his father; surrounded by many, many men (there may have been 3 or 4 other women on the plane) & feeling somewhat uncomfortable. I felt even more uneasy & eager to get off the plane when beer was served complimentary on the plane & almost everyone around me popped open a can & started guzzling down the booze. I am not a fan of the smell of beer at all so having to smell that all around was not ideal. Thankfully, the flight was not long. Touched down in Nepal & the fun continued....

I walked down the steps to get off the plane & walked across to board a shuttle that took all passengers to the correct terminal. I was aware that I would need to pay for my visa upon my arrival. I was set to do so. I acquired the correct forms, filled them out, presented them & had my $25 ready when the gentleman said, "Your picture?" I said, "Pardon me?" He said, "Where is your picture?" I said, "Sir, I am sorry, I do not have a picture." He informed me I HAD to have a picture. I was thinking to myself, "I have no picture, I am thousands of miles away, I have no phone with me & don't know what to do!!" Why did N.P. not inform me I was going to have to have a passport size photograph to submit to obtain the visa into his country?! Fortunately, there was a small booth behind me that I went to & had a man take my photograph. The photographer told me it would be 1 Rupee. I told him I did not have any Nepali Currency. He pointed across the way to the money exchange counter. I presented them with a $10 bill & their response was, "$50 minimum". No problem. I then handed them a $50 bill. They gave me a bunch of funny money back & I had no idea about any of it (I might add that as I relayed this story to N.P. & shared how unfriendly & unhelpful the people were, he then looked at the money I had been given & said they shorted me about $15 U.S. Dollars). I then walked back over to have my picture taken. I pulled out one of the funny bills that said "10" & the guy gave me change along with 2 photos of myself. Back through the line, visa obtained, on my way to baggage claim. Many airports here in the U.S. allow outsiders to come within to pick up persons. Here in St. Louis, you can go in to pick people up & then go with them to get their bags at the baggage claim. As I got to the baggage claim area, I found my bag immediately & then began looking around for N.P. I was not seeing him though. I kept thinking, "I hope he didn't leave", "I hope he didn't think that I was not showing up". As I continued searching, I noticed that no one was within greeting those around me. Surely he must be awaiting me elsewhere. Now, the moment I was concerned about had come...no baggage claim ticket to match the tag on my bag. 3 times the officer informed me he had to have my baggage claim ticket & 3 times I explained I did not have it. I offered my passport, my flight itinerary, my other boarding passes, etc. etc. etc. Finally, the man said, "Let's see your passport." He matched the name on my tag to the name on my passport & allowed me to go through. I was thrilled when they did not even ask to search my bags or seek to scan it. They simply motioned for me to exit the area. I was on my way out headed to I had no idea where - I was just hoping to N.P.!

And then, behind a wall of glass, I spotted N.P. & his friend Gambhir. A huge smile came upon N.P. & he was waving his arms like crazy. As I kept moving their direction, they disappeared from the glass & I knew they were coming to greet me. Now, here's the moment you've all been waiting for....what happened? Exactly what I thought would happen. We quickly hugged & that was it. Not what you were hoping for? Sorry to disappoint you all. No, there was no kiss at the airport. No long embrace. Public displays of affection are not shown much between men & women in Nepal. I have been very familiar with that aspect of their culture so I was not expecting for that to be different for the two of us. Gambhir greeted me briefly & then parted ways with us as N.P. & I got into a taxi that would take us to the hotel. We had not even been in the car for 5 minutes when his mom called. He was so excited to tell her I was in the car & she simply longed to hear my voice. Unable to speak more than a few words in Nepali, I just said, "Namaste (hello) mom". I could hear the enthusiasm in her voice. As I rode in the car, I could not take my eyes off N.P. & he could not wipe the smile off of his face. Finally. Our moment had come. Thus the beginning of an unforgettable 2 weeks. More to come...

**My apologies, I have no pictures of the two of us together on that first day. He took a few pictures of me when we went for dinner that evening but we never took one of us together. I now wish I would have had Gambhir take one at the airport but that was far from my mind at that point.**