Earlier in the year, I received a message from a former student (Lindenwood Alumni as he graduated) via Facebook. He was writing to inform me that he & his girlfriend, Irina (also a graduate of Lindenwood), would be marrying on June 27th. He was letting me know plenty in advance so that I would not have any excuse not to be there. When I realized that the 27th was on a Wednesday, I was rather doubtful that I would be able to be present. Once I checked on flights (as the wedding would be taking place in California), I was even more skeptical. Airfare was far too expensive for such a brief trip. Thankfully, I was persistent in my search for tickets & found a great deal round-trip to San Francisco. I was set & and ready to go. Having no idea what I was getting myself into, my journey began....
"WELCOME" in Nepali
Tuesday, June 26, 2012. 6:00 a.m. My alarm clock on my phone sounded notifying me that it was time to awaken. I hate the sound of an alarm so getting up is never an issue. I got up & do as I do nearly everyday - got ready to go into work. My day was not as long as usual as I only worked until 3:00 p.m. From work, I came home to do some last minute packing & my sister then took me to the airport. First flight: St. Louis to Dallas. My flight to Dallas was quick & we arrived into DFW 30 min. early. Nice! After getting into the airport, I saw that my flight into San Francisco had been delayed. As time continued to pass, I knew that we would not be leaving on time as there was not even a plane at the scheduled gate. Sure enough, my flight left 1 hr. late thus causing my midnight arrival to SF. Thankfully, my friend Pritesh had someone that was willing to come pick me up at such a late hour. I was already aware that the individual picking me up would be someone new to me; someone I'd never met before. I was OK with that. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had Subash Thapa come to retrieve me. After working all day himself, he was kind enough to make the 45 min. drive from his home to SF to pick me up. I might add that, even at midnight, he fought through traffic (construction) to get to me. Once we got in the car, it then took an estimated 2 hours to get to Pritesh & Irina's place in Sacramento. By the time we arrived, it was 2:30 a.m. Of course, in St. Louis, the time was 4:30 a.m. To say I was tired would be an understatement. I kept thinking about the fact that I'd been awake for nearly 24 hours. Exhaustion was a given. As we approached Pritesh & Irina's home, I was pleased to see friends that I had not seen in almost a year (Sangeeta, Roshan, Pukar & Pankaj). The Nepali People are very hospitable. As soon as I made it into the house, my friends were unfurling an abundance of food & offering it to me. While I ate a few bites, my interest in eating was minimal. I had one thing on my mind & one thing only: sleep! I was shown my room & while I thought sleeping would not be an issue, I just laid there wide awake. Eventually, I drifted off into slumber but that only lasted for so long as I had a full day ahead of myself. A day that I doubt I'll ever forget.
Sangeeta woke me up encouraging me to go into the other room to watch Irina's bridal make-up being applied. The initial getting ready process didn't differ much from any other bride preparing for her wedding day. Things began to change rapidly though & I knew that what I would be witnessing would be something more than unfamiliar to me. Honestly, my mind is a bit blank on the first phase/section (I'm not sure what they call it) of the marriage ceremony. Prior to exiting outside, Irina sat in a room with the Hindu Priest doing a number of different rituals, reciting various prayers & so forth. She then went outside & all of her guests were welcomed & given a tika ( red dot applied on the forehead, between the eyebrows. Mixture of abir, a red powder, yoghurt, and grains of rice) by Irina's mother. Some of you are asking, what is the Tika exactly & why? Trust me, I wonder the same thing myself. While I'm sure my Nepalese Friends could give us more insight, I'm going to have to go with the Internet on this one. According to Wikipedia, the Tika may be worn on a daily basis or for special religious occasions only, depending on different customs. From my understanding (based upon what I was being told), such is done as a blessing. You will notice in a picture later, I am wearing the Tika (I know there are some of you that will question this as this is usually something we relate to Hinduism; not Christianity. If such is the case, please e-mail me, message me on fb or something. I'll gladly speak about this).
My friend, Pukar, receiving the Tika
After a number of rituals were completed on Irina's part, it was time for Pritesh's arrival. Pritesh & many friends/family members approached the home by dancing & celebrating as they paraded up the street.
Pritesh awaiting his beautiful bride.
Once Irina joined Pritesh, many things took place. While I have pictures of nearly every moment, I am only posting a few pictures. Though I was being encouraged to go take a nap as there were many things to still occur in the day, I didn't want to miss anything. Every second was a chance for me to learn. Well, I'm not sure how much I learned. I took a lot in. One of the crucial parts to the marriage being made complete is the exchange of a wedding garland. I have already started my research into this practice. Similar to a Christian Wedding (& many other weddings), they did a ring exchange as well. For those curious, there was no "With this ring, I Thee wed...." or anything of that nature. During this time, the couple each placed the Tika upon another as well. Having completed these things, it was time for lunch. If I remember correctly, the next phase of the marriage could not be done before 1 p.m. but had to be completed before 4 p.m. I am sure you are questioning why that is. I asked the same thing. I don't think I received a definitive answer. Again, I'll be looking into it further.
This is a picture of my friend Sumin. I guess we're friends. Sumin? Kidding. Quick story off the beaten path, when I arrived at 2:30 a.m., Sumin was there along with all of my other friends. He seemed to remember me yet I had no recollection of having ever met him. Sure enough, he lives here in St. Louis & has probably been at many events that I've been to. I was feeling rather lousy for not remembering him. As I was snapping shots, Sumin asked me if I was going to write a paper about everything. Well, Sumin, this is not quite a paper but here ya go!
Once lunch was complete & the clock had passed 1 p.m., the third phase began. In the picture below, you can see the Hindu Priest guiding the couple in some rituals. Notice the fire burning (was burning the entire day) as well. The fire represents a god (so I was told).
The picture above depicts what I thought to be one of the most intriguing parts to the ceremony. A bit difficult for you to decipher what this is but basically, one of the girls present is holding this white cloth above Irina's head covering her eyes (I was unsure as to if she was to be blindfolded or what). You can see a small trail of orange colored ash (something like that) on the cloth. The ash leading up to Irina's forehead & scalp. Pritesh walked around the square a number of times (I fail to remember if it was 3 or 7 times as it seems that those were significant numbers throughout the day) & then placed this trail of ashes. Along with the garland & rings, I was told that this is possibly the most important part in making the marriage complete. Evidently, this "coloring" on Irina (though temporary) indicates that she is married.
I suppose I had not noticed but prior to the marriage, Irina would always be seated to Pritesh's right side. In the day following the wedding, Pritesh attempted to explain some things to me so that I'd have a better understanding. He then pointed the seating arrangement out to me. I was wanting to know why he picked her up & moved her. He was moving her from his right to his left. He said that from that point forward, she would always be to his left. Again, I'm assuming there is some significance behind this but that remains unknown still.
The next phase was Irina's leaving her home to join Pritesh & his family. A particular song was playing repeatedly & one of the guys told me that during this song, the bride should be crying. There should be tears as she leaves her family to go to a new place with new people. Remember, arranged marriages are common in Nepal & India so it is not uncommon for a couple to marry having never met prior to the ceremony or having only seen each other a few times. In this case, things were different as Pritesh & Irina had been friends for many years though. Still, the concept of leaving (even though she was joining her life with someone she knew & loved already) brought about tears. Above, you see Irina's mother weeping as she gives her daughter away.
Above, the grand entrance into their home as husband & wife. As you see, Irina is stepping on plates of rice with a flame on each one. I have not a clue why this was done or what the importance was.
Once they were in the home, Irina joined her mother-in-law in a game so to speak. I believe Pritesh said that this determined how good of a caretaker Irina would be of their family?
Later in the day, many pictures were taken & the couple even decided to incorporate our tradition of a wedding cake into their ceremony. After the cake & popping open the bottles of champagne, the dancing/partying began. I believe I lasted until about 10:30 p.m. & then, I heard the bed loudly calling out my name. I've been home for over a week now & have looked at my pictures many times. Still, I'm wondering...why? Why is every single thing done? Why is each step important? What is the meaning behind every step? I was with some other Nepalese Friends a couple of nights ago & inquired. So far, I have gotten a lot of "It's tradition" or "It has to be done for the marriage to complete." Yet, no one has really known why. Because I have a deep desire to know & understand, I will begin to do as I was advised (thank you, Sarru, for your suggestion to Google it!). I will begin to research. In a Christian Wedding Ceremony, there are many parts (not nearly as many as in the Hindu Wedding. I suggested a nap time be added into their ceremony! Haha!). However, I have a good grasp of why each thing is done. I'd love to be more familiar with the practices that my dear friends take part in. One of the things that really stood out to me was the emphasis on the union not just between the couple themselves but between the two families. Both sets of parents were active participants throughout the day. That, is not like my culture at all. However, I greatly appreciated that about the ceremony as really, when one marries; they marry not only their spouse but they are essentially marrying into the lives of their spouses' loved ones as well. Though things were more than different from what is typical for me to see in a wedding, I am so thankful to have been able to celebrate with Pritesh & Irina. I'm grateful for the new experience & for the opportunity to have been exposed to what is common in their world. I pray God's richest blessings upon Pritesh, Irina, their marriage & for many years of happiness ahead!
