Surprise! Quick Trip to the Southland

Bewildered when I received my schedule a few weeks ago & noticed that I was going to have a 4 day weekend, my first thought was that I MUST travel to Alabama. As some of you know, my mom was born, raised & lived in AL until marrying my dad at age 19. All of my mom's family (including my mema & uncle) reside in AL. Due to only receiving 2 weeks vacation/year & a number of other factors; I had not been down to visit in 2 years+. As I prepare for life overseas, these next few years will be hectic for me; I'll most likely have even fewer opportunities to travel south. I had hoped to find someone or several someone's to keep me company for the drive. Unfortunately, such was not possible. Still, I did not let being alone stop me from going. GPS was ready & off I went.

As I made the drive, many things crossed my mind. I saw the sign that said "Trenton" & could remember my parents stopping there on our road-trips when Haley & I were kids. Just like "Trenton", "Clarksville" was another town that I remembered from our childhood. I pictured Haley & I sitting in the back of our mini-van (beige/yellow in color) & then our full-size van (burgundy) eating Nabisco's Better Cheddar's. Those were ALWAYS a snack for the 8 hour trek to Ft. Payne. Sure, we had other snacks as well but those are the ones I vividly remember. I can't express the nostalgia that took place when I entered Dierbergs (a local grocer) about a year ago, was walking down the Cracker/Cookie Aisle & saw the Red Box with the Yellow, Round-Shaped Crackers that said "Better Cheddar" across it. Though expensive, I bought a box & hurried home to share them with Haley. I'm pretty sure she was just as enthused as I was.

Above: Visiting my Aunt Lottie. Her husband (my Uncle Charlie; my papa's brother) passed away in early September. Due to everything going on with my dad, none of us were able to be at the funeral or burial. I don't remember a time when we would go to AL & not see Aunt Lottie & Uncle Charlie.

Though the trip was brief, I had a nice time visiting with my mema & Uncle Rog as well as my Aunt Wanda, Uncle Bill, Aunt Lottie & Cousins: Kristy, Melissa, Scott & Meleah. Just so happened that the Cardinals had just made in into the playoffs as the Wildcard Team & while I was down there, they had 2 games against the Milwaukee Brewers. Mema, Rog & I sat on the sofa watching both games intently. 1 game had a not-so-great outcome; the other was perfect. Notice: Mema proudly wearing her 2006 World Series Champs shirt in the pic below.

Autumn is such a beautiful time of year that I was hoping to capture a bit of that through the camera lens. Rog was kind enough to take me to DeSoto Falls to enjoy the splendor of the turning leaves.

He & I had quite the adventure there. Those who know me well know that athletic, coordinated, graceful & adventurous are not words usually associated with me. I proved that yet again during our walk through the park. I'm sure that if you each could have seen me trying to jump from one rock to another over a very small rush of water, you would have been well-humored. After a tiring day of rock climbing & hiking, we went home & mema prepared one of my favorite meals for me: Homemade Chicken & Dumplings, Fried Squash & Shelly Beans (green beans). I know, a very healthy balanced meal. Hey, I get it once every 5,6 or 7 years (if that). I think it was OK!

After 2 full days in Alabama, it was time for me to meander back home to St. Louis. Not unlike many return trips home, the day started with rain. I just prayed that God would cause the rain to cease for it it continued on, the drive home would be that much more difficult for me. Thankfully, by the time I reached Franklin, TN to meet some dear friends of mine for lunch; the rain began to stop. I never saw another drop of rain again. As I switched from station to station, CD to CD, I again had flashbacks. My dad has always been a fanatic about Christmas music. That is something he has passed down to both of his daughters. Haley & I LOVE Christmas music! Each year, when we go to AL for Thanksgiving, our return home would consist of 8 hours of Christmas Music while my mom would say, "It's too early to be listening to this stuff." Yet, listen we would.

So many memories, such special times throughout the years. Those thoughts coming to the surface after so long made me all the more thankful for God's goodness to our family in the healing miracle of my dad's health over the course of these last few months. The times I've shared with all of my family for the last 31 years are times I will cherish for a lifetime.

As good as it was to visit AL, it was nice to return home. When reaching St. Louis, I did not immediately come to my house. Instead, I went by the university as the meeting with the International Students was taking place & many of them had contacted me asking when I'd be returning. As I raced to get to the school & the students were on my mind, I got to thinking. I was so pleased to come home after just a few days. I can't imagine the homecoming I'll receive & the happiness I'll feel when I one day come home after being overseas for years. As I approached St. Louis, I could see the Arch. When I see the Arch, I know that I'm almost there; almost "home." I wonder, what do you see in your city or state that lets you know you're almost home when you've been away? The Arch was a pleasant sight for me to behold but I'm anxious for the day when, for a period, something else will represent "home" to me. Will it be the Changu Narayan Temple in the Kathmandu Valley? Could it be the Taj Mahal in Agra, India? These things I do not know yet. I look forward to the future with a happy remembrance of the past & great eagerness for the road ahead.

Memories of 9/11

In 2008, I shared my memories of 9/11. Again, I share my reflections as recorded 3 years ago. A decade after the most horrific day I've watched yet, I say "Happy 10th Birthday Victoria Rose!" When September 11 approaches it year, it is always a time to remember. Every year, my heart aches for those that lost so much & prays that many would find hope in that which is everlasting - the hope of Jesus Christ. My memories of 9/11:

September 11, 2001 is not a day that any of us will most likely ever forget. Now, 7 years later, it almost seems unreal that so much time has passed. I'm sure throughout the course of your day, like me, you have conversed with someone about your memories of 9/11. For me, I was headed into work. I am sure I was listening to a CD rather than the radio because otherwise, I probably would have heard something about all that was taking place. I pulled into work & as I opened the door & walked into the store, I could hear what sounded like a television. Sure enough, as I approached the back of the store, my boss & another coworker were looking upward--to the TV mounted on the wall. I saw smoke coming from one of the Twin Towers & as many did, figured it was a movie or something. Neither one of the ladies said a word but kept their eyes glued to the TV. Within minutes, we heard the news anchors stating that an airplane had just flown through one of the Towers. At that time, they still were not thinking it was a terrorist attack. Even as the time approached to open the store for the day, we kept the TV on & remained in the back focused on what we were viewing. As things kept unfolding & we learned more, our hearts ached & we fought back tears. I remember a numbness sweeping over me as I saw the horrific images repeatedly. During this time, Michael W. Smith's first worship album had recently released. Naturally, we were playing it in the store. We already had the music on & I vividly recall that as we watched the Towers crumble, the song "Forever" was playing in the store. As I listened to the song, I began to sing along there in the store with my voice shaking..."Forever God is Faithful, Forever God is true, Forever God is with us, Forever." Further along, the song says, "But by the Grace of God we will carry on, His love endures forever." Indeed, 7 years later & Praise God, there has not been another terrorist attack on U.S. soil. In the good times & the bad, He has remained faithful, true & with us & without a doubt, His love has & always will endure.Despite the many lives that were lost that day, I am pleased that God brought our Rosey-Posey into the world on that day. Today, Rose is 7 years old. While we watched New York City, the Pentagon & Pennsylvania from work & home, my Cousin Chanda was in Oklahoma giving birth to her firstborn daughter. Even still, she watched from her hospital room. I venture to say that no family member will ever struggle to remember when Rose's birthdate is. I am so glad that God blessed our family with this little girl. Not only is Rose beautiful on the outside, she has such a sweet spirit that loves to help people. Today, September 11, I say, "Happy Birthday Rosey-Posey!" So these are the things that will always come to my mind each year on 9/11.

May My Tongue Be Set to Praise

Just a few weeks ago, a 21 year old member at the credit union to which I work, told his younger brother that there was nothing in life worth living for any longer. Not long after, that young man went to the rooftop of the 25 story condo building in which he lived & jumped off plummeting himself to his death. When I entered into my workplace to learn of this news, I was told that the young man “fell” off a tall building & died. We’ve since come to learn that he did not fall; he took his life. I’ve known this family since I started my job in 2007 & even if I did not know them, my heart would still ache for their loss. I do not know the reason(s) why this guy felt there was nothing to live for but I question whether or not he knew his worth. As I’ve spent time thinking about this sorrowful story, I’ve thought much about words. Just as a small spark can ignite a great fire in a forest, so can the tongue (small as it may be), cause immense damage. I’ve oftentimes battled reading the book of James in the Bible as I’m heavily convicted about the things that roll off my tongue. As children, many of us learned the saying “Sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” I don’t think anything can be further from the truth. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to just how powerful our words can be; they have the power to heal or to destroy. What comes out of our mouth may be a determining factor of life or death for someone. Daily, I enter into work & face a co-worker who irritates me like no other. I believe God has used the death of this young man to remind me how much He values each life. James 3:8 - 11 says, "No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise Our Lord & Father, & with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise & cursing. My brothers & sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water & salt water flow from the same spring?" These scriptures have been at the forefront of my thoughts. As I face individuals, I pray that God would help me to see them through His eyes & to treat them as persons of great worth, persons that were created by God & persons that are loved deeply by Our Maker. I carry around a key chain with Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing your sight, O Lord, My Rock & my Redeemer." Jesus, help the words that flow from my mouth be words that not only please You but edify & build up others. May others know of Your great love because of my love. Amen.

Below, I've included a video of a song that I first heard recently. I think this songs speaks greatly to the power of the tongue.

Oh My, The Horror Of It All!

While at work today, a member brought to life a horrific discovery about myself. Usually, when people attempt to guess my age, they guess incorrectly. Generally, I'm guessed to be an average of 25 years of age. This morning, one of our regular members came in to make a deposit. She was ranting, raving, moaning & groaning over the expense of having a kid in college. She then looked at me & said, "Do you have kids in college yet?" I'm not easily offended but I must admit, I did want to pop her! I controlled myself & politely said, "No, no kids period yet." She left & as I shared this story with my co-worker, I began doing some calculating. I then realized something. I'm old. As I sat there in disbelief that the member would ask me such a jaw-dropping question, I realized that if I had given birth at the age of 13 or 14, I could be the mother of a 17 or 18 year old today. Which, they would either be a senior in high school or a college freshman. My goodness, I am old enough to be the mother of a college-aged student!! Though I've been viewing some of the students I work with as my little brothers, I'm really old enough to be the mother of the some of them. After the reality of all of this set in, so did sorrow. Again, I'm old.

Patience....Say What? You want me to be patient?!

After making the announcement that my thoughts of moving into the mission field are going to be more than just a mere thought now, it seems my life has wreaked havoc. Days after I decided to "surrender", my closest friend/coworker jumped ship to go off to further training with the Army Reserves. I have told him this but want to publicly compliment him....I've worked with many people over the last 17 years or so of my life & while I have developed great friendships & gotten along with most of my coworkers, I've never worked AS well with someone as he & I work together. The knowledge that God is calling me to something else & I can't immediately go to it, is making my time at my job that much more unbearable. Without Zach's presence, the days are far worse. Within the past 2 weeks, I've been overwhelmed with emotions - happiness, joy, excitement, anxiousness, worry, stress & much more. Through it all, I've never lost faith that I'm beginning a journey down an unbelievable road; a road that I am full of enthusiasm over. As eager as I am, I realize I must wait. As I await talking to the Missions Pastor at my church & give great consideration to going through our church's training program to be sent out, I understand that the completion of the program will take a minimum of 36-48 months. In my struggles (primarily at work), I've thought "Honestly, I have to wait 3-4 years?!" However, I know that the program will do nothing but benefit me & better prepare me for the road that lies ahead so that I can best be equipped & fully used by God. Should I choose to go through this particular program, I've MUCH reading to do. I'm ready...so ready. I just want to grab the books & dive in. This morning, as Pastor Bob preached on Joshua, he said something that really struck a chord with me...."Time waiting is not time wasted." In my mind, I've thought that anything other than the mission field is a waste for me. Such is not so as God will continue to use me during these "waiting days" as long as I continue to make myself available to be used for His glory. God, help me to be patient knowing that You have a plan for my being where I am at this very moment & that I must go THROUGH this Jericho to get to my Promised Land. Thanks Pastor Bob for your words of encouragement this morning as well as every Sunday since your arrival at FBCH!

I Surrender - Take Me Lord, I am Yours!

Growing up, I had no interest in anything mission related. Just the thought of having to listen to a missionary speak was enough to nearly bore me to tears. However, as Christ has changed my heart, so has He changed my thoughts, desires, interests, passions & all that I long for. 7 years ago, I felt God calling me to go to Colorado for a week to lead a Vacation Bible School for primarily Hispanic Students. Though frightened & feeling inadequate for the job, I went. God blessed that time. A year later, I found myself a world away - in Taiwan. Again, I was nervous & not certain that I was the best person for the job at hand. Yet, God showed me otherwise. That point was proven when one of the missionaries in Taiwan asked me to pray about moving to Taiwan to join their team. I returned home to St. Louis giving great consideration to what Wes (the missionary) had asked of me. I realized that as badly as I wanted to go, I would have been doing so for the wrong reasons at the time. In 2006, I returned to Taiwan again for a week. My task was the same as the year prior - to use the Bible to teach English to students of all ages. Though the mission was the same both years, the trips were very different for me. At the end of the week, I said my farewells & headed back here to St. Charles....my heart missing the many I had met in just 2 weeks over the course of 2 years. I began praying that God would give me an opportunity to work with Internationals here in my own community. Yet, I had no clue where to look or what to do. As most of you know, I've been volunteering with ISI (International Students, Inc.) since October 2009 & I have loved every second of it. ISI was the answer to my prayer of 3 years. I would hope that the students I've met over the last year & a 1/2 would sense my love for them & know how much I enjoy serving them. My greatest moments come from building relationships with them & loving them because Jesus first loved me. Which, my first mission trip in 2004 to Colorado, my trips to Taiwan, my work with Backyard Bible Clubs, VBS' & now ISI have all led me to where I am at now....longing for something more.

Daily, my thoughts are of the nations. Still, I reflect back to hesitantly walking into to teach the Bible at VBS in Colorado. I remember how scared I was that the kids would not like me & I'd not be able to relate to them as I'd never worked with children. I think about the adorable Joel who took to me immediately & was attached to me for a solid week. I see the beautiful Alejandra's face & in my mind, see the tears falling from her face when we said goodbye. Everyday, I think of my time in Taiwan & the many students I taught - students that I still communicate with via Facebook. They ask, "Teacher, will you come back to Taiwan?" When I'm at work, I'm wishing I was with the International Students from Lindenwood. These are my consuming thoughts. Pastor Bob (the pastor of the church to which I belong) has said on more than one occasion that God is not afraid to make us miserable in order that we would surrender (don't quote me on that...close but not word for word). I have reached that point. I've sat through 2 Mission Conference Weekends at our church over the last few years & have felt like I was to be moving in the direction of full-time missions. I've went & sat in the sanctuary, listened to Pastor Bob preach &have felt very uncomfortable at times because I've felt that he was speaking directly at me & though I heard every word, I was not taking action. Over the course of the last couple of years, I've had a number of people that have questioned me as to why I'm not overseas serving. These persons have seen within me that which I've been running from - the truth that my heartbeat is for the globe & God has made me that way. I've had a lot of excuses. My sister is the one with great faith that just picks up & moves. I am not that person. I've known for quite a long while where my heart is - my heart is with Internationals. Still, I've found a need to debate & tell God exactly why it is I CAN'T do what I believe He wants me to do. I need health insurance. I just bought a car last year & it's not even close to being paid off. I have debts. I don't have a college degree. I'm not smart enough. I don't speak another language. The list could continue for days. This past Sunday, Pastor Bob preached a story that most of us are familiar with - the Story of Noah & the Ark. Towards the end, he told how his son asked him what he would do if God asked him to build an ark. He shared that he hoped he would be obedient & do as God asked. He also said that while God had not asked him to build an ark, he felt that he had an "Noah & the Ark" moment when God told him to leave the job that he had & move his family to Kansas City to attend seminary & pursue ministry. As I sat there on Sunday morning, I KNEW that it was no accident or coincident that I was sitting there. God wanted me in that seat at that very moment to hear that specific message. As he spoke, I knew immediately what my "Noah & the Ark" moment was. As Pastor Bob pointed out, Noah did not debate or question God; he simply did as God instructed. God is not asking me to worry about the details or consider all the "what- if's" I tend to focus on....He's calling me to surrender & trust Him.

With this being said, there are no definitive plans but I have began researching, requesting information & looking into various mission organizations. I will not be on a plane booking it out of the U.S. tomorrow morning or probably even soon. For now, I need to begin to see what the options are, where I sense God leading me (if it is overseas or remaining here in U.S. working with an organization) & move forward. There are definitely a few cultural groups that I've taken a great interest in & I know that God has allowed that for a purpose. Still, I need to let Him direct my steps in this adventure & show me exactly where it is He wants me to be. I would be lying if I said I'm not nervous. However, I know that if it is God's plan for me to "GO", He will provide all that I need & so much more. As I end this, I share the lyrics to Chris Tomlin's song "I Will Follow" as I want to be the one who who says, "God, I'm Yours, whatever You ask of me, I will do." Will you pray for me as I seek to be obedient to the One who deserves my all, my everything?

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there joy, unending joy
and I will follow.

Big Faith

Our pastor has been preaching a series on Spiritual Gifts. As we have learned more about the specific gifts & hopefully discovered our gifts individually, I've come to know that "faith" is not one of my spiritual gifts. While I have faith, I do not have the spiritual gift of faith. I've known that for a long time. However, I do know that there are many that God has given that gift to. At this point in time in my life, there is something that I long for and yet, I have little confidence that God can work in the situation. Yes, I am the "Oh Ye, of little faith" person. I know that God cares about every detail of our life. Both the big things & the small things--the things we deem insignificant our close to His heart because WE are His beloved. While that which is on my mind may seem unimportant to many, I know that it is huge to my Heavenly Father for He desires the very best for me & has my best interest at heart. May I seek to trust that His will, WILL be done in this situation as well as every other area of my life if I will just wholly submit.